Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism is worthy of Pulitzer Prize consideration.

As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From The Headlines, we once again recognize the exalted performances in our journalism industry and compile worthy submissions to the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. To properly recognize the low watermark in the press, let us get right to the latest exemplars of journalistic mis-excellence.

Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

• Ali Velshi — MSNBC

I thought we were supposed to be like Europe?? Yes, journalists, we understand — you are very upset/disappointed/unhinged about the SCOTUS decision to roll back Roe vs. Wade and send the issue back to the states. At MSNBC, their always rational and calm Ali Velshi – infamous for declaring BLM protests to be calm and peaceful as he stood in front of a burning looted storefront — took on the issue to state how backward he felt the U.S. had become.

Velshi gave us an interactive atlas and wanted to explain which countries had better abortion laws than this nation of ours. China, Cuba, North Korea are on the list of countries he hails, never taking the moment to consider he is praising dictatorships. Russia as well made his cut, so I suppose it is now fashionable to want to emulate that nation.

Ali Velshi wants you to know that "Cuba, Argentina, Turkey, Russia, China, and I hope you are sitting down for this one, North Korea" have better abortion laws than the U.S.

This isn't the point you think it is, Ali. pic.twitter.com/TVH0GyavRq

— Alex Christy (@alexchristy17) July 2, 2022

Distinguished Breaking News

• Associated Press

Speaking of Russia, at the recent international summit, where Joe Biden was schooled and embarrassed by once-inferior leaders, there was plenty of talk about the recent actions of Vladamir Putin. Not one to take the criticism from the world powers gracefully, Putin has been reported to have delivered his own caustic commentary about those vocal leaders.

He insulted the assembled power brokers as a group that would look embarrassing if they were to go shirtless.

Russian President Vladimir Putin shot back at Western leaders who mocked his athletic exploits, saying they would look "disgusting" if they tried to emulate his bare-torso appearances. https://t.co/nT1HEVWKKZ

— The Associated Press (@AP) June 30, 2022

Distinguished International Reporting

• Tiffany L0 — The Daily Star

Speaking of topless newsmakers, we get this gripping account from Canada, where a mother had to spring into action to deal with some wildlife that emperiled a family pet. This has to be the leader in the clubhouse for the Headline of the Year.

Topless breastfeeding mum in boxer shorts tackles bald eagle to save pet goose https://t.co/AGREaemf1o pic.twitter.com/iRqDQ5DHTP

— Daily Star (@dailystar) June 24, 2022

Distinguished Cultural Commentary

• Gael Fashingbauer Cooper — CNET

Speaking of feeding, a news report states that the snackfood brand Pringles is looking to do some cross-promotion in the subject of zoology. It appears the company has learned that there is a species of arachnid — the kidney garden spider — with a potential marketing connection.

The coloring on the thorax of the spider is believed to so closely resemble the logo of the brand that Pringles has started a petition to get the scientific community to change the name of the creature “The Pringles Spider”.

There's a little-known spider called the Kidney Garden Spider, found mostly in Asia, that looks like the Pringles mascothttps://t.co/q81w7cDbsh

— CNET (@CNET) June 28, 2022

Distinguished International Reporting

• Rebecca Ratcliffe — The Guardian

Speaking of barely edible consumables, word comes out of Singapore that they have taken a new spin on the phrase, They say you don’t buy beer, you only rent it, by reversing the flowchart of that pithy quote.

Look, one of the common insults directed at low-quality beer is to refer to it as “piss water,” but apparently they have taken this quite literally in the Orient. The report states that one brewery has fashioned a style of beer using recycled wastewater from the region. Were I a local, I would just resort to drinking imports, as opposed to opting for the local sewer suds.

Singapore craft beer uses recycled sewage to highlight water scarcity https://t.co/1o8Sl7dgqC

— The Guardian (@guardian) July 1, 2022

Distinguished Editorial Writing

• Jennifer Rubin — The Washington Post

Speaking of drunken commentary, we turn now over to the dependably wandering mind of Jennifer Rubin. In her response to the Supreme Court stripping the EPA of oversight on states’ carbon dioxide output, Jennifer had thoughts on the ruling. We are just not sure of those thoughts.

This is because Jenn managed to take two rather opposing positions on the matter. In my Townhall media column, I use the category Pathological Media Amnesia when detailing the times when a journalist will offer an opinion that contradicts the position they had taken on the same topic previously. Usually, this comes about over a period of time, and as a result of a party change, leading to their shift.

What is notable is how Jennifer managed to say the Democrats should run on the radical stripping of EPA powers AND to say that the EPA has not been stripped of these powers — in a timeframe of fewer than two hours! 

Two – hour – difference
Same day.
She is a marvel… pic.twitter.com/DVAxtq86Ab

— Brad Slager 🍸🥃🍺🎙 Lifetime Subscriber to CNN+ (@MartiniShark) June 30, 2022

Distinguished Feature Writing

• Will McCurdy — Tech Radar

And finally, on the topic of untimely updates, we get this entry about the European Space Agency. Safe to say that supernal body may be lagging a bit when it comes to being on the cutting edge of space exploration and technological advances.

We get this notice that the Mars spacecraft from the ESA that is mapping the planet’s surface recently had its software upgraded. Maybe the delay of this was the result of being on hold with Microsoft tech support for a couple of decades.

Mars probe running #Windows98 receives #software update after two decades https://t.co/d78FTvLyaE via @techradar #ESA

— CSSCloud LTD (@CSSCloudLTD) June 27, 2022