Pulitzer Prize Dis-Honors: Fraudulent News Breaks, Olympic Low-Stakes, and Corrupted Cupcakes

Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism is worthy of Pulitzer Prize consideration.

As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From The Headlines, we once again recognize the exalted performances in our journalism industry and compile worthy submissions to the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. To properly recognize the low watermark in the press, let us get right to the latest exemplars of journalistic mis-excellence.

Distinguished Breaking News

April Ryan – The Grio

There is a reflexive need seen by many in the press to be the first to break a news story. April Ryan seems in need of recovering some of her former CNN stature, as she addresses a non-vital news story with the dressed-up announcement that she has a “Scoop.” April announces that President Biden is poised to announce his new Supreme Court nominee before the end of the month, but her Exclusive/Breaking/Scoop is somewhat-to-entirely undermined by the fact that this was announced previously, by the President himself.

Scoop:@theGrio has learned the @POTUS Supreme Court Nominee announcement could come as early as tomorrow or as late as the end of the month. If tomorrow, the announcement happens as @VP is back from her overseas trip. She is back in Washington, D.C. tonight.

— AprilDRyan (@AprilDRyan) February 21, 2022

Distinguished Sports Journalism

Philip O’Connor – Reuters

There has been plenty of negative news emanating from the recently-completed winter Olympics, but one story has managed to…well, not rise above the others. While many competitors would give an arm for Olympic glory, I am not sure what one Finnish skier sacrificed is the path most male athletes would take.

Remi Lindholm was competing in the Mass Start ski race, and he shrank against the other competition. As he crossed the FINISH line it was learned the harsh conditions caused his penis to freeze.

Cross-country skiing-Finn Remi suffers frozen penis in mass start race https://t.co/GSEVdZJiZ8 pic.twitter.com/hYjXBGGuov

— Reuters (@Reuters) February 20, 2022

Distinguished Local Reporting

Chris Murphy, Adam Caller – Daily Star

A Louisiana couple is facing a lengthy list of charges, including rape, child pornography, sexual battery of a child, and video voyeurism. One of the over 100 charges involved the manner this teacher placed questionable additives to the dessert treats she brought in for her students.

School teacher fed students cupcakes laced with her husband's spermhttps://t.co/8Cs5M5UVij pic.twitter.com/s1JCfrzpXN

— Daily Star (@dailystar) February 15, 2022

Distinguished Cultural Commentary

Adam Staten – Newsweek

The trend of celebrities putting out their own brands of liquor continues, and that questionable level of quality has to be further questioned when it involves a member of the Kardashian Klan. Kendal Jenner has her own tequila, but stating it is “her own” raises even more questions. Jenner’s brand 818 Tequila is being sued by another tequila Brand, 512 Tequila for resembling their product too closely in name and appearance.

does kendall jenner's 818 tequila create a likelihood of confusion with 512 tequila due?

the owner of 512 has sued for infringement over kendall's use of a "prominent area code" & "distinctive black lettering inside a vertical yellow rectangle"https://t.co/PyBF2nkpDd pic.twitter.com/22AeO6iKAQ

— alexandra j. roberts (@lexlanham) February 18, 2022

Distinguished Breaking News

Kim Novak – Metro U.K.

The big news in entertainment is that Lindsay Lohan has joined Tok Tok. But wait, it gets better. The actress used the platform to make the announcement that after all of these years we had been mispronouncing her name. The world has become a calmer place as a result.

Instead of Low-han, as pretty much everyone else has been saying it all this time, Lindsay pronounced her surname as ‘Lowen’, leaving fans questioning everything they thought they knew. pic.twitter.com/p5MJGqjkVU

— Metro Entertainment (@Metro_Ents) February 23, 2022

Distinguished Editorial Writing

Las Vegas Sun

The episode involving the attempted murder by Black Lives Matter and gun control activist Quinteez Brown continues to confound the media. At the Las Vegas Sun last week, they wrote a fractured editorial, decrying violence of this nature – BUT in the most backward of fashions. The paper never brought up the affiliation of the left-wing groups Brown worked with. A move made more galling as the editorial framed conservatives as largely responsible for political violence.

After the paper was called out it reacted in a way that can only be called an overreaction. Responding to criticisms by Greg Gutfeld and Tucker Carlson, the Sun wrote a follow-up editorial that was nearly three times as long, decrying the words by the conservative critics as being far worse than the actual violence exacted by a leftist activist.