Pulitzer Prize Parody Nominations: Rat Cookies, Squirrel Grinches, and Phone Tastings

Pulitzer Prize Parody Nominations: Rat Cookies, Squirrel Grinches, and Phone Tastings
(AP Photo/Stack’s Bowers Galleries)

Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism is worthy of Pulitzer consideration.

As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From The Headlines, we once again recognize the exalted performances in our journalism industry and compile worthy submissions to the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. To properly recognize the low watermark in the press, let us get right to the latest exemplars of journalistic mis-excellence.

Distinguished International Reporting

  • Rikako Murayama, Rocky Swift – Reuters

This falls squarely in that category noted in “Jurassic Park,” where scientists are more preoccupied with whether they could do something rather than whether they should. It turns out that a new screen development for televisions is being developed to augment the sensory experience.

The device, called Taste the TV (TTTV), uses a carousel of 10 flavour canisters that spray in combination to create the taste of a particular food. The goal is to make it possible for people to have the experience of something like eating at a restaurant on the other side of the world, even while staying at home.

I think it is relatively safe to say that porn applications are already being developed for this technology


Distinguished Cultural Commentary

  • Lorraine Ali – Los Angeles Times

The LA Times’ TV critic makes the lamest of attempts to impugn Fox News, and conservative media in general, for creating a crisis for our democracy. This is being done, allegedly, because on the Right, all the anxiety and hysterics are all very exciting characteristics. “Fox News, social media juggernaut Facebook and a constellation of hard-right outlets reveled in the fear of uncertain times.”

Understand, they are somehow reveling in fear by not promoting vaccines, by downplaying the Capitol riot, and declining to take medical advice from puppets. Also, the rest of the media, therefore, is NOT trafficking in fear when they hype every virus advancement, spend an entire year declaring a riot to be the worst thing to ever transpire in this country, and stipulating that any political policy they disagree with is going to – as the headline alludes – bring about the end of our democracy.


Distinguished Feature Writing

  • Michael Lyle – Nevada Current

The press has a decidedly bifurcated approach to the current efforts at redrawing voting areas taking place across the country in a variety of states. It is a case of Democrats engaging in noble redistricting for the sake of citizens, while the GOP is hatefully gerrymandering to restrict the voting rights of minorities.

One state that is getting light coverage is Nevada, but this is due to another factor; the Democrats in that state are screwing up the process. It has been so poorly managed that one incumbent Democrat is blaming her party, while begging for help from interest groups.

Rep. Dina Titus has just about had it. In spirited remarks at an AFL-CIO town hall Wednesday, she told union members “I’m going to need your help on something terrible. I totally got [EXPLETIVE DELETED] by the Legislature on my district,” she said. “I’m sorry to say it like that, but I don’t know any other way to say it.”


Distinguished Local Reporting

  • Jane Margolies – New York Times

The rat infestation in NYC is legendary, and as a new tactic of taking on the menace is noted, there is a curiosity attached to it. This new method lures the scourge in and, over time, once they are comfortable the rodents are dropped into a solution.

These new traps which have been developed use a unique attractant, as they lure in the rodents with some brand-name cookies. I doubt Nabisco is thrilled to be associated, nor is the company in a rush to do some cross-promotion with this particular venture.

Distinguished Cultural Criticism

  • Ryan Gajewski – The Hollywood Reporter

Currently, in theaters, the newest entry in a comedic franchise is enjoying success. “Ghostbusters:  Afterlife” is an effort to revitalize the property as it establishes a new generation of spectral warriors with a direct tie to the past movies. The studio is pleased enough that it has already planned on marketing a boxed set of the titles to go on sale in February for the home release of the latest film.

Director Paul Feig, the man behind the camera of the 2016 version of the film, is rather perturbed with Sony Pictures over this promotion. His movie, which was roundly reviled and became a significant money-loser for the studio, is not even being included in the release.


Distinguished Public Service

  • New York Times

Many people are dismayed about the emergence of the new COVID variant sweeping the country, so the Times has decided to lend a checklist to help people self-diagnose — because after telling people for over a year to only listen to doctors, the press now declare themselves to be arbiters of public health.

The problem is the list of symptoms not only seems rather vague and general in nature, but there is also a feeling the paper may be overhyping things slightly. The other head-scratcher (not a symptom, to be clear) is that the Times is basically telling people that if you have the symptoms of the flu, you probably do not have the flu, but Omicron.

Distinguished Local Reporting

  • Frederick Melo – Pioneer Press

In the Minneapolis area, we learn that although the riots from the George Floyd demonstrations may have finally ebbed, there is still fierce conflict in the area. They may want to rethink defunding the police, when we see that a war on Christmas is in full effect.

The $27,400 lighting display, which went up in late November, had to be reduced and reconfigured this year because the Mears Park squirrels tend to chew through the wires, which are coated with polylactic acid, an apparently tantalizing derivative of corn sugar.

Trending on RedState Video