Pulitzer Prize Parody Nominations: Flummoxed in a Courtroom, Turkeys of Doom, and a Cow in a Flume

(AP Photo/Stack’s Bowers Galleries)

Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism is worthy of Pulitzer consideration.

As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From The Headlines, we once again recognize the exalted performances in our journalism industry and compile worthy submissions to the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. To properly recognize the low watermark in the press, let us get right to the latest exemplars of journalistic mis-excellence.

Distinguished Public Service

  • CBS Mornings — CBS News

While most normal Americans have decided to ignore Dr. Fauci and the press in regards to limits on the gathering of families for Thanksgiving, the media continue to cater to the nervous minority who cling to the fear-mongering. On “CBS Mornings,” they ran a segment covering family gatherings and looked intent on fostering tensions.

Speaking with a psychologist to address potential issues, the CBS Mornings crew asked how to address the hot button topic of vaccinations status and how to approach asking people for their vaccination cards. The not-at-all insane solution from their expert guest was to rely upon rapid tests and set up a testing station before allowing people in your home.

So, if it feels like it’s going to be weird, maybe make it kind of fun. Say, we’re going to start with hors d’oeuvres in the garage, you know, we’ll have drinks, we’ll do our rapid tests – and then c’mon in. You can make it playful, make it fun.”

Nothing more jovial than setting up viral decontamination units with test points next to the riding lawn mower and softball gear. The joyous nature of the holiday shall be warmly felt.

 

Distinguished Explanatory Reporting

  • Julian Glover — ABC 7 News

For three consecutive days, we have seen organized hits on high-end boutiques where groups of people storm in to steal massive amounts of items in organized thefts. In San Francisco, where this has been seen, one local news outlet analyzed these smash-and-grab crimes and determined that people have been describing these thefts in insensitive terms. It is now considered inappropriate to refer to these crimes as ‘Looting’.

To some, the distinction may be small, but Lorenzo Boyd, PhD, Professor of Criminal Justice & Community Policing at the University of New Haven, and a retired veteran police officer, emphasized that words matter. “Looting is a term that we typically use when people of color or urban dwellers are doing something. We tend not to use that term for other people when they do the exact same thing,” said Boyd.

It is important when referring to criminals that we do not mislabel their activities in a fashion that may upset them.

 

Distinguished Sports Reporting

  • Bianca Nobilo — CNN

Fresh off the recently staged Balloon World Cup comes yet another pandemic-inspired pseudo sporting contest. CNN details for us that now pillow fighting is a sanctioned event.

 

Distinguished Feature Writing

  • Amy Forliti, Gene Johnson, Todd Richmond — Associated Press

I think we are starting to grasp why there was so much slanted and flat-out incorrect coverage of the Rittenhouse case. The AP displays in their lengthy think piece on the trial that they’re actually surprised at how the defendant was treated during the proceedings.

Rather cute the way they went with “some observers” to describe the entirety of the corporate media complex. But what can be said when a piece written by three reporters displays stark surprise that defendants are shown particular deference in a courtroom, which is what our legal system has been built upon.

 

Distinguished International Reporting

  • Alison Fox  — Travel and Leisure Magazine

Look, we get there is a novelty to the story of a cow that escaped from a slaughterhouse and was later found stuck in a water slide flume. Most reporters would jump to report such. What earns Alison Fox scorn, however, is that in covering this for the vacation publication, she resorted to using this phrase:

While legen-dairy escapes are fun to watch…”

No, Alison – just…no.

 

Distinguished Reporting on Frozen Desserts 

  • Ben & Jerry’s PR Division

Not only did the activist confection suppliers get in on the claims of racism for the Rittenhouse trial but the lecturing lactose merchants got numerous facts incorrect as well. The double scoops of condescension were a nice touch, however.