Pulitzer Prize Parody Nominations: Biased Halloween, Bats Appropriating, and Political Bull Semen

(AP Photo/Stack’s Bowers Galleries)

Our weekly recognition of less-than-meritorious excellence in journalism is worthy of Pulitzer consideration.

As an extension of the media-mocking venture at Townhall, Riffed From The Headlines, we once again recognize the exalted performances in our journalism industry and compile worthy submissions to the Pulitzer Prize board in numerous categories. To properly recognize the low watermark in the press, let us get right to the latest exemplars of journalistic mis-excellence.

 

Distinguished Public Service Reporting

  • Ken Dilanian — NBC News

As most are aware, there is a massive amount of interest across the country for ‘Let’s Go Brandon’ chants — and the press is here to tell you how improper this is! With growing resentment — and volume — journalists are taking a stand against this practice…which means they are taking a stand with the government. In so doing, many have also run TO the government, demanding action.

NBC’s Ken Delanian learned of a gunmaker that is printing the accursed phrase on some gun parts. He decided to take proper steps upon hearing this distressing news.

Reporting private citizens to the government for punishment — and these are the journalists who lose their mind if you suggest they are the enemy of the people.

 

Distinguished Investigative Reporting

  • Bill McCarthy — PolitiFact

This is some grand defense of Joe Biden against the woes we are enduring from his inflation — we guess. Why these factoid warriors busy themselves with correcting jokes and memes can only be chalked up to meeting some kind of quota. This time, Politifact has kindly informed us that an image floating around of a frozen turkey that is priced out at a level expected of maybe a modest condominium is not, in fact, accurate.

The $123,000 price is exponentially higher than the cost of a frozen turkey at Target — or at other U.S. grocery stores, according to recent data from the U.S. Department of Agriculture. We rate this Facebook post False.

Thankfully, we will not have to take out a mortgage in order to carve into a Butterball in a few weeks.

 

Distinguished Feature Writing

  • Alex Isenstadt — Politico

As Tuesday night’s off-year elections have proven, the press absolutely needs to involve Donald Trump as much as possible. The man has been out of office for 10 months, but if they refrain from coverage that means they would have to focus upon the multiple disasters involving Biden. So it is all January 6 and Orange Man Bad, all the time.

In Nebraska, in an election that barely has a national interest, Politico delves into the details for one reason — it involves Trump. Okay, two reasons; it also allowed them to work The Bull Semen Baron into a headline.

 

Distinguished Cultural Commentary

  • Tristan Balagtas — People Magazine

This one was almost painful to read, and yet it was actually written and delivered. Already the topic of Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg’s family Halloween plans would defy interest. But then we learn that not only did he adorn his recently adopted newborns as traffic cones, but he did so for them to represent “Infrastructure” — well that is the kind of information that irrationally inspires one to want to punch an otter. Most people in publishing or journalism would have walked away from this feature, but Mr. Balagtas was up to this task.

 

Distinguished International Reporting

  • Hannah Sparks — New York Post

Recall when last year, the press was deeply impressed with the country of New Zealand when they went into a pandemic lockdown at a level that would have impressed The Stasi? Yea, well, we have since come to learn they may not be the very model of governance after all, and here is but another indicator of their thinking being less than admirable.

It was announced that in that country they just named their annual Bird Of The Year. Now, not only do we have two full months of avian activity in front of us, but I think I am safe to say these are not brilliant people. Far be it from me to call another culture into question, but they just announced that their B.O.Y. is — a bat.

Distinguished Frozen Dessert Coverage

  • Drew Weisholtz — The Today Show

One can only assume this news of Olivia Rodrigo receiving a shoehorn from President Biden when she visited the White House was firing all around the news stratosphere because the Today Show was on top of things in getting the accurate details out there for consumption. It turns out that this story was inaccurate!

Now, we cannot charge the industry with disseminating fake news, because it appears that Ms. Rodrigo was the one delivering the inaccurate information. It can be corrected now, however — what she actually received from Biden was an ice cream scoop.