Our regular feature gathering the off-kilter from the news cycle.

Looking across the sites from the Townhall landscape there is plenty of head-scratching to be had, so here in easily digestible capsule form are some of the items to pour forth from the feverish minds of the press, the left, the entertainment, and the political spectrums. As always, govern yourselves accordingly.

Baseball Addresses Inherent Racism…We Guess

The Major League baseball season kicked off and the sport is fully embracing the social activism that has fatigued this nation. Fields are painted with Black Lives Matter and for the National Anthem of the season opener every player on the field was kneeling. I take this to mean that the sport is finally addressing the hateful slur that is ‘’Bat Boy’’, and promoting white supremacy whenever a pitcher reaches 3 strikeouts and ‘’KKK’’ gets displayed.

To extend the political theater the season opener had Doctor Anthony Fauci come out to make the ceremonial first pitch, in front of a nonexistent crowd. He missed the plate in rather glaring fashion, while wearing a jersey tastefully adorned with the number 19. Then Fauci was seen sitting in the bleachers directly beside friends, without his prescribed medical mask on his face. There is a good chance there was other coverage manipulated for the cameras.

CNN Calls Dr. Fauci's Wild Pitch '100% Accurate, Completely On Target'https://t.co/UDQxpZRUyR

— The Babylon Bee (@TheBabylonBee) July 23, 2020

The NFL Moves The Goalposts On Safety

There  is still speculation how the NFL football season will play out, but if/and/or/when fans can once again attend games there is the belief that the league will mandate that masks are worn in the stands. For that effort the league is now selling team-branded facial coverings, so you can support the team safely! Er, sort of. It is really something of a play-action-fake, as the masks that could be required to save lives carry this disclaimer

• This product is not a medical device. It is not intended to be personal protective equipment …The product is not intended to prevent or protect from any form of illness or disease (or otherwise).

We can only assume Dr. Fauci is a season ticket holder.

Too Bad ‘Community’ Had Copyrighted The Human Beings Mascot

Sticking with football, the Nfl team that plays in the nation’s capital has long been embroiled in a rtacial quandary regarding its nickname. After years of adamantly refusing to make a name change Daniel Snyder, owner of the Washington Redskins, broke down and announced he was going to alter the team in the name of sensitivities. Problem is, they made the bold announcement without having a suitable replacement. So as the season begins his franchise will now display a literal generic moniker — The Washington Football Team. Of course, this now means in order to avoid charges of racism the team is known only by the city affiliation – namedd after a man who owned 300 slaves and the discoverer who spread genocide across North America, according to the left. If he is concerned about trademark rights I am certain that The Washington Kneelers is still available.

Not A Medical Expert But Cuomo Knows Food

Sticking with those not wearing masks, Andrew Cuomo was spotted on a trip violating his own mask-wearing mandate. This is hardly the only Covid-related confusion generated by the governor. He currently is trying to contend with the partial reopening of his state, and his dexterity is about as skilled as his handling of infected retirees. Cuomo has made the determination that it is acceptable to go out and have a meal at an establishment, but you may not do so to imbibe alcoholic drinks for the same duration – because the Coronavirus can tell the difference. As some establishments have made concessions to evade this food mandate (serving ‘Cuomo potato chips’, ten french fries, etc.), the good governor attempted to put his foot down. “To be a bar, you had to have food available — soups, sandwiches, etc. More than just hors d’oeuvres, chicken wings. You had to have some substantive food — the lowest level of substantive food were sandwiches.” People in the Buffalo area should be interested to know how their beloved foodstuff is no longer considered food.

‘I’ve Tried Doing Nothing And It Doesn’t Seem To Be Working’

Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler has become something of a national laughingstock as he has allowed Antifa goons to rampage his city for weeks with no pushback from his authorities. When the DHS sent in federal officers to defend the federal buildings Wheeler blamed the feds for the violence on his streets. The violence that had been taking place for weeks ahead of their arrival, you see. To continue appearing like a sympathetic leader everyone should like (instead of the pathetic leader everyone has been laughing at) Ted took to the streets to address the protestors/rioters. He made mention of the feds moving on the crowds without provocation, speaking to his acumen that he does not see breaking barriers and attempting to burn down the courthouse as a provocation — something taking place within his line of vision. Wheeler was hit with items, verbally assaulted, and his security detail was barely able to get him safely inside the municipal offices. It needs to be noted, these attacks on him were not made by the federal agents but by the protestors themselves.

The AP: Some Words Are More Equal Than Other Words

With everyone else desperate to be seen properly acknowledging the Black Lives Matter activism the Associated Press has been straining for acceptance. Last month the news syndicate made the eye-rolling announcement that going forward when referencing racial issues it was going to capitalize the word ‘’black’’. Apparently they did not earn enough plaudits for this linguistic signaling, so the news source made a new announcement this week regarding a change to its AP Stylebook. White people, whenever referenced in the same fashion, will see themselves described in the lowercase. This will have fixed all of the racial strife in the country now that those uppity ‘’whites’’ will be properly denigrated in print.

The Caucasian Clientele Will Be Most Grateful

In the most obvious of ginned-up media-created controversies Trader Joe’s stores have been leveraged to make changes to some of its labeling that was declared to be racially insensitive. The trendy grocery chain has a number of food items of an international flavor, and those had been named with a foreign twist on the company name. Spanish products were dubbed ‘’Trader Jose’’ and French items Trader ‘’Jacques’’, for instance. The New York Times cited an online petition as the impetus behind its pressure applied to the store chain, a clear example of the press creating a controversy. The petition was created by a high school student, and at press time the effort had barely garnered 1,000 names.