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— Refresh throughout the telecast for real-time updates, commentary, & general antagonism towards Hollywood

Tonight the Hollywood winter marathon of self-congratulations commences with the Golden Globe Awards. This is a completely spurious award doled out to cynical celebrities by a dysfunctional group of quasi-journalists who curry favor and attention from studios and famous performers. Everyone involved knows this is a sham, and yet it has become crucial to forging an Oscar campaign — so it helps them to win a REAL award.

The host tonight is Seth Meyers, who has pledged that this will be a show thick with political commentary. That is about as bold a statement as me suggesting a red carpet interviewer will ask a starlet, “And who are you wearing tonight?”

So gird yourselves, pour a stiff one (or numerous, as will I) a await the expected torrent of prolix from people lecturing us to hang on their every word, who get paid to read other people’s words.

PRESHOW

07:18 EST

The big subject on everyone’s mind tonight, of course, is the rampant sex scandal rocking Hollywood. The celebrities, of course, have been able to use the moment to lecture America how we need to clean our industries of this oppression they are guilty of committing.

The luminaries will be bravely calling themselves “brave” tonight because, as Kira Davis noted, the ladies will be wearing black dresses to stand against sexual abuse — I guess? The men will be following suit (literally) by wearing black tuxedos for the first time since every single awards ceremony that has ever been held.

In solidarity with all the concern, I will be drinking from a black tiki mug for the ceremony.

07:37

The subversive street artist Sabo has designed some key art around the ceremonial region that is rather scathing.

07:39

Ryan Seacrest interviews Neil Patrick Harris, and they approached the subject of Harvey Weinstein, but then they both shy away, scared to mention it further in a “too soon” kind of discussion. Understand, these are the people declaring themselves “brave” tonight.

07:42

Sarah Jessica Parker was effusing about her stance in wearing a black dress. Lost in the uniformity of these peacocks is the fact that the red carpet looks like a funeral procession tonight.

07:50

Since everyone is asking me, “Who are you wearing tonight?”

The pants are vintage defeated denim by Levi Strauss, San Francisco, and my foundation garments are by Tommy Wiseau Clothiers.

07:56

All this sacrifice of fashion by the actresses tonight has led to a problem: the solidarity means they may not get noticed! They have come up with a way to still garner some very needed attention, however:

“Big jewelry is being requested to help actresses stand out while standing in solidarity. Black has to be really black, not slate, not navy,” says publicist Jill Eisenstadt, who works with Italian jeweler Gismondi. “Everyone is really trying to be somewhat uniform, which is giving stylists more need to differentiate with jewelry.” White diamonds, ear crawlers and old earrings are in high demand, she says.”

There’s still hope at noteriety!

      AWARDS SHOW

08:02

Seth Meyers is not flinching from the sex scandal. He says tonight is the first time in months that the men in the room are not nervous to hear their name called out.

08:04

Meyers says in 20 years Harvey Weinstein will be the first person to be booed during the Oscars “In Memorium” segment. The crowd gives a loud nervous muttering to that joke. They are “Brave People”, don’t forget.

08:11

Amy Pohler appears drunk already. I love her more now.

08:13

Desperate to show diversity and inclusion the first presenters are Dwayne Johnson, and Gal Gadot. They are two of the better souls in that town. Honestly, these two should have been co-hosts of the ceremony, but you will not find that kind of pragmatic thought in Dream Land.

08:19

This is true: For the film “All The Money In The World” they cut out Kevin Spacey entirely after his sex scandal. They hastily reshot his scenes with Christopher Plummer instead — because the stain of Spacey would be bad for business. Plummer was nominated tonight.

08:25

The first white male presenter has only now come out as Zach Efron presents for “The Greatest Showman”. I feel idiotic noting this, but Seth Myers has made this an important point.

08:31

Carol Burnett is presenting while wearing a navy BLUE outfit. So she obviously hates women!

08:33

Elizabeth Moss wins for “The Handmaid’s Tale”, because of course. She gives a speech talking about all the past and future female oppression they are facing.

I guess it may be bad form to remind people she is a member of the oppressive sect Scientology now, huh?

08:47

In accepting for the Best TV Drama, “The Handmaid’s Tale” (naturally) the executive giving the speech stated, “Thank you to all of those fighting to keep this show from becoming a reality.” Since he didn’t name who that would be, I should not be too surprised he also did not note who was actually fighting to make this show a reality.

08:53

They just presented for “The Disaster Artist”, nominated as Best Comedy. I loved it, because I love “The Room”, which means I cannot recommend it, for obvious reasons.

09:03

"If women get together and form a resistance, you can't stop them." —Elisabeth Moss on @HandmaidsonHulu #GoldenGlobes #TimesUp https://t.co/RkUzGX7sYb

— The Daily Beast (@thedailybeast) January 8, 2018

Unless the Scientology officers say otherwise, correct Liz?

09:24

Dwayne Johnson is back, introducing his daughter as the HFPA Ambassador. I assume this is something important. But seriously, can Johnson host this gig??? Here is a former football player/wrestler who looks more natural and comfortable on stage than seriously trained performers.

09:30

The Best Animated Feature went to the Disney/Pixar release “Coco”. There was no mention at all of the deposed John Lassiter, who has been a part of every single Pixar release, but was chased off as one of the recent scandal names the past few months.

09:42

The night has basically ground to a halt ironically when they get to the Best Foreign Language Film, as chosen by the Hollywood Foreign Press.

09:54

Of course to present for Best Comedy Series they bring out 2 performers from “Game Of Thrones”, looking dour and miserable. The Laughs!

09:57

Aziz Ansari, accepting for Best Actor in a Comedy Show, rattled off a list of names, and ended up thanking himself in the process.

10:08

The Golden Globes has made a bold step here and decided that world-famous billionaire Oprah Winfrey needed to be properly recognized with an award.

Her speech began “In 1964…”…

And Brad is up getting another beer.

10:11

Oprah just mentioned the press and the need to get the truth out. She says this the week the media is stampeding to promote a book on Trump laden with falsehoods and fantasy.

10:18

Presenting for Best Director is Ron Howard and Natalie Portman. After a brief intro Howard turn to Portman, who states, “And here are the all-male nominees…”

Nice job minimizing Guillermo Del Toro’s honor, Natalie! So EVERYthing tonight has to be run through the demographics filter.

10:29

Reese Witherspoon, while accepting for “Big Little Lies”, brought up bravery (yes, again) and mentioned abuse victims while saying “We hear you, and we will tell your stories!” They bravely have avoided mentioning anyone by name tonight, and saying you’ll tell their stories you mean you will create a product off their pain, and not actually helping anyone.

10:50

just a quick pic of the recent Lifetime Achievement recipient.

11:01

Frances McDormand mentions how she doesn’t know who the Hollywood Foreign Press are, but hails them for electing a female President. Because, gender is more important than skills.

11:07

Barbara Streisand gives a ponderous speech, where she should have been played off before announcing a winner. The funniest is that she mentioned being the only female director to win a Globe, 25 years ago.

Great point Babs! Hollywood is a backward, sexist, cloistered mess of an industry! So, maybe fix your own damned house before condemning the rest of the country, huh???

That’s the night folks! I’ll now keep in the tradition of the monochromatic outfits, by going and black out!