(The opinions expressed by contributors are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of RedState.com.)
You’ve already contributed to climate change with your gas-guzzling SUV, your air-conditioned home (how dare you!), your love of meat, your plastic shopping bags… But you probably didn’t know what else is leading to the imminent end of the world: your morning cup of coffee. Four Canadian researchers recently released an analysis that found that although coffee production was already a known climate hazard, it’s actually “just the tip of the iceberg”:
“Limiting your contribution to climate change requires an adapted diet, and coffee is no exception. Choosing a mode of coffee preparation that emits less GHGs (greenhouse gases) and moderating your consumption are part of the solution,” the researchers at the University of Quebec at Chicoutimi wrote. [Emphasis mine.]
I have a detailed and well-researched answer to these postulations: no. Actually, I should expand on my thoughts. No, no, no, and NO. Don’t touch my coffee.
I spend a day without drinking coffee and dying of exhaustion…
Me the next day (today) with 2 cold brew and 2 Americano coffee. pic.twitter.com/EplC9VRvAT— Vynathran (@Vynathran) January 17, 2023
It is a known fact that many people will lose their minds and say horrible things to each other and suck at their jobs and write bad stories with run-on sentences for online news outlets were they to be denied their morning Joe. (Yes, I’m being sarcastic. Also, I am not referring to the MSNBC television show “Morning Joe” with Joe Scarborough and Mika Brzezinski. You would be wise to cut the noxious emissions of that broadcast out of your life altogether for mental health reasons.)
Without coffee, much of civilized society would shut down, productivity would grind to a halt, and birth rates would decline further. The world as we know it would cease to exist.
Java is the red line that cannot be crossed.
Me without coffee pic.twitter.com/G9Rxt4CGlV
— Nashay (@Nashaylikesthat) January 15, 2023
The researchers went on to critique the various ways folks prepare their coffee, and surprisingly concluded that pods are the least offensive to the environment:
“Our analysis clearly showed that traditional filter coffee has the highest carbon footprint, mainly because a greater quantity of coffee powder is used to produce the amount of coffee. This process also consumes more electricity to heat the water and keep it warm,” the researchers wrote.
My question is, who pays these people?! Also, wasn’t it just the other day when they were freaking out over coffee pods, claiming they were adding to landfills and weren’t biodegradable? Or something. Whatever they told you yesterday will change next week: coffee is deadly, red wine is great for your heart, meat is terrible—no wait! A new study shows just the opposite. It’s head-spinning.
Even in this one study, they can’t help but contradict themselves:
The researchers also added that the convenience of coffee pods might lead people to double their coffee consumption and in turn make the environmental advantage “redundant.”
Oops.
Woody Allen is justifiably a pariah these days, but back in the 1970s, he was hysterical and ahead of his time. Here he is in 1973’s Sleeper with a remarkably prescient and absurdist take on all the ever-changing advice we get from experts:
Woody wakes up in the future, and doctors are surprised that he requests wheat germ for breakfast. “You mean, there was no deep fat? No steak, no cream pies, or hot fudge?” the female doctor asks incredulously.
“Those were thought to be unhealthy,” the male doctor replies smugly. “Precisely the opposite of what we now know to be true.”
Another reason studies like this are so absurd is that they’re asking you, the common person, to give up a small thing you love in the name of the climate, while at the same moment environmentalists, politicians and CEOs regularly drop into venues like this week’s World Economic Forum in Davos in thousands of private planes. My guess is that one flight produces more emissions than all the coffee you drink in your entire lifetime. Since I don’t have statistics for that, I can tell you with authority that the emissions from the private planes from one Davos forum alone are the equivalent of one week’s worth of emissions from 350,000 automobiles.
I say, go ahead, have that joyful jolt of java.
I'll give up my extra coffee when the elites give up their private jets and coastal mansions — which were supposed to be submerged in rising tides ten years ago. https://t.co/AYp6kOcXQf
— wdwpro (@wdwpro1) January 19, 2023
(By the way: if you’re wondering where I got the featured image for this story, I created it with the artificial intelligence image generator Dalle-E 2.)
