Comedy Gold: Fox News Offers up New Names for Songs With ‘Mother’ in Title

(Olle Lindeborg/TT NEWS AGENCY via AP)

Amidst the absurdity of the Left’s assault on our language, Fox News has helpfully assembled a new list of names for songs that have “mother” or “mama” in the title. The story comes after news that the behemoth teachers union, the National Education Association (NEA), has re-defined the term “mother” to “birthing person,” to be more “inclusive.” They’re not alone: other wokesters like Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer have taken to calling women “menstruating people,” which seems odd, seeing as not all women menstruate (heard of menopause, Gretchen?).


Anyway, it would seem a good time to look at the language in the music world, and hit the delete button on any word that might in some way offend some person in some place.

ABBA would be the hardest hit, of course, since one of their most famous songs, “Mama Mia!”, led to a smash Broadway play and several successful movies despite its non-inclusive title. Fox recommends changing it to “Menstruating Person Mia!” However, I would point out that according to the NEA, it should be “Birthing Person Mia!”

Pretty catchy, actually.

Another classic sure to need a name change is Waylon Jennings’ & Willie Nelson’s “Mamas, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys.” This outrage cannot stand. Fox suggests some new lyrics to the classic:

Birthing parents, don’t let your babies grow up to be cowboys / ‘Cause they’ll never stay home and they’re always alone / Even with someone they love.

Actually, isn’t the term “cowboys” offensive? I hadn’t thought of it until just this moment, but it’s clearly true. Thus the new title needs to be “Birthing people, Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowpeople.”

AP/Reuters Feed Library

The 2003 hit “Stacy’s Mom” by Fountains of Wayne needs to get overhauled too. There would be nothing sexier and more rock ‘n roll than a young man lusting after Stacy’s “birth parent.”

Fox has several more, other funny offerings, but I suggest we take it one step further and apply the standard to Hollywood. The TV show “How I Met Your Mother” could be, “How I Met the Human Who Carried You in Its Womb.” The classic Danny DeVito-Billy Crystal flick “Throw Mama From the Train!” could be “Throw That Menstruating Person off the Emissions Producing Transportation Device!”


It all sounds so stupid—and yet many of the things we’re witnessing right before our eyes are just that dumb, and most of them we simply couldn’t have imagined just a few short years ago. When a Supreme Court nominee can’t even say what a woman is in her—its —confirmation hearings, you know we’re in trouble.

Clinical psychologist and best-selling author Dr. Jordan Peterson, recently booted from Twitter for “deadnaming” acting person Ellen/Elliott Page, delivered an absurdio ad reductio on July 1 of what’s happening to our language. While he’s actually quite serious, he delivers the logical endpoint that our new language overlords want, and it is comedy gold (if you’re pressed for time, start around the midpoint at 8:38):


In April I wrote a parody piece for RedState where I joked about how woke terms have clouded the meaning of language, making things more confusing. In the dystopian fantasy, I get grilled by a Disinformation Board agent named Nina:

She glares at me. “Section 5 of the Speech Act specifies that the word ‘racist’ shall apply to anyone we disagree with. That’s another year for you.” She points to the gentleman sitting next to her. “Now, go with them for your booking.”

I’m confused. “Go… with him? Or them?” I ask, indicating the agents in the back.

Her face turns an angry shade of crimson. “I was quite clear,” she says, again pointing to the agent sitting next to her. “I said go with them. But now I’m angry. Go with them instead.”

All of this would be comedy if we weren’t actually seeing things like this happening all around us—people losing their jobs for misgendering someone, even unintentionally, parents being called “transphobic” or “homophobic” for suggesting that maybe 9-year-olds should wait a bit before getting hormones and surgery to transition into a different gender. Or sex? Which is it? I get so confused.


We need to stop keeping quiet about this assault on our language and the meanings of words, and one way to fight back is through humor. Kudos to Fox writer Kerry J. Byrne, and to Dr. Jordan Peterson, for being among those pointing out that the emperor has no clothes.

In fact, the emperor is totally naked and is stark raving mad.


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