No video documentation was offered.

Speaking as an outside observer, that seems like a long time for clitoral stimulation, even with the 11 test vulvas involved.

According to the Times, “No toy offers the level of power and intensity as the widely beloved Magic Wand.” It’s $104 from Amazon. Lovehoney is asking $150 for the same thing, but offers a 20 percent discount with Code WC-LOVE20.

See how RedState takes care of our readers?

The article added: “The intense stimulation it provides can be particularly helpful for people experiencing diminished libido or sensitivity.” Another plus is it’s cordless.

The warranty is only one year, but word on the street is that’s not a problem, even with abundant use.

Importantly, if you’re back to working in the office some days, this model is extremely quiet.

The reviews included details on ease of cleaning, costs, intensity of vibrations, adjustability, size, of course, and endurance. Oh, c’mon now—Battery endurance.

After 150 hours of research and testing, @Wirecutter testers believe they have found the five best clitoral vibrators.

No toy offers the level of power and intensity as the widely beloved Magic Wand. https://t.co/AIod9GvJQr pic.twitter.com/IQKQH0DkqN

— The New York Times (@nytimes) July 30, 2023

(Candles sold separately.)

The second-place vibrator was the same Magic Wand, only with a cord. It has four power settings, though, instead of two, and costs $62.

Third place went to the Satisfyer Purple Pleasure.

The Times’ sister publication notes it is palm-sized and fits easily in a purse, which is great for travel. And the shape shouldn’t prompt questions at airport security unless it gets turned on. “Ma’am, step back and explain what this vibrating thing is for?”

The Purple Pleasure is $29 at Amazon if they have it in stock or $46 at Walmart if you still have a mask to wear.

This Satisfyer vibrator is a fantastic starter toy…(it) hits the sweet spot as a high-quality, basic vibrator available at a significantly lower price than the competition.

Clitoral researchers called this one “affordable and versatile,” rechargeable, and, best of all, it carries a 15-year warranty. That’s longer than most modern relationships. Talk about endurance, eh?!

Fourth place went to Dame Aer, “the first suction vibrator that we’ve liked more than toys from Womanizer.” And that must really be saying something.

Warning though: “Dame Aer is definitely noisier than some other suction toys.” Which might limit its use in restaurants unless they have stone floors to heighten ambient noise. However, the good news is “the larger nozzle creates a more diffuse, customizable suction sensation.”

Lelo Dot took fifth place. Judges said:

The flexible pointed tip of this teardrop-shaped vibrator offers intense pinpoint stimulation, while the loop handle makes it easier than most to hold.

It’s $125 from Amazon or $180 from LoveHoney.

On a less personal note that has nothing to do with orgasms, I worked on The New York Times for 26 grand years. It was a different culture back then. Quite prim and proper in the paper. For antediluvian style purposes in those days, I once wasted two hours of my life trying to find out if a woman in a story was a Miss or Mrs.

We couldn’t write about things that might upset the delicate tummies of Northeasterners at the breakfast table—things like vivid war descriptions, even if accurate.

And it should probably go without saying that we couldn’t use curse words, even if they were shouted at a news event.

During one famous trial, the defendant constantly disrupted courtroom proceedings by jumping up and down and swearing. I wrote that he kept shouting an eight-letter barnyard epithet.

That actually got printed. An editor later scolded me for sneaking it in.

That remains, however, a rather proud moment, a minor moment, to be sure, but a proud one. Dildos are OK now, though. Obviously, I was born too soon.