Welcome to Are We Doomed? the weekly column in which I will take the latest news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.
Let’s not make this a thing.
R&B performer Erykah Badu is releasing an incense that, according to her, smells like her ladyparts. After the Paltrow candle, I’m starting to have some real questions and I want none of them answered. Can we please not make this a thing that people do? I thought everybody having a perfume was bad enough, but I didn’t know how bad it could get.
Verdict: Doom is fully impending now that there are two of these and, if it doesn’t stop now, it’s over.
This is dumb.
Tesco, a grocery store in London has signs saying to report shoplifters to members of staff. Apparently that is…offensive?
— Oonagh Ryder (@oonskie) January 29, 2020
I guess this is “unsafe” because this is a product that people need and can’t always afford. That’s why many organizations offer hygiene pantries where they can get these items for free without stealing from people. Stealing is wrong.
Of course, they bent a knee to the outrage mob and apologized. “We know that the cost of buying essential sanitary products can be a real struggle for some, which is why we were the first retailer to cover the cost of the tampon tax to make these items more affordable,” a Tesco spokesperson told BuzzFeed News. “We want everyone to feel welcome in our stores and are very sorry for any offense caused.”
Verdict: It’s bad enough people feel their safety is threatened by being told not to steal, but the apology is full doom.
Get ready to feel good.
Seven years ago, Rashad Fenton was working the concession stand at the Hard Rock Stadium in Miami. Last weekend, he claimed a Super Bowl victory on the field as defensive back of the Kansas City Chief’s.
Verdict: America is the land of opportunity, and we are blessed, not doomed.
In the final analysis…
Some people are so self-centered they think people want the smell of their privates wafting through the home. They think they can steal things and that’s ok. But this is still a place where the kid from the concession stand can win a Super Bowl, and that’s pretty fantastic. Doom delayed…until next time.