Welcome to Are We Doomed? the weekly column in which I will take the latest news and try to determine if it’s all downhill from here.
It Turns Out Armed Robbery is Dangerous
23 year-old Roosevelt Rappley attempted to commit armed robbery of a Dollar General store recently, and ended up getting shot in the process. His siblings were very upset about it. They don’t think that it should be dangerous to commit armed robbery.
He’s got some responsibility, but not all,” Rappley’s sister said. “Right and wrong is wrong, that was wrong for that clerk to shoot my brother in the chest.”
“Yes, he’s robbing them. Oh, well! Call the police, that’s what you’re supposed to do. You’re not supposed to take matters into your own hands!” she continued.
Verdict: If this is the level of personal responsibility that’s expected in the world, we’re doomed. Also, if you’re going to commit armed robbery, why would you choose a Dollar General?
Is Your Breakfast Gay Enough?
On GLAAD’s Spirit Day on October 17, Kellogg’s announced a new cereal- All Together. It’s one big cereal box with little boxes of Corn Flakes, Froot Loops, Frosted Flakes, Frosted Mini Wheats, Raisin Bran, and Rice Krispies inside.
Kellogg’s chief diversity officer (why does a cereal company need such a thing??) Priscilla Koranteng said, “At Kellogg, we are firmly committed to equality and inclusion in the workplace, marketplace and in the communities where we work and live.” As part of the Spirit Day partnership, Kellogg’s is donating $50,000 to GLAAD.
Pinksite News says that, with this new offering, you can “start your day with maximum gay.”
Verdict: What does sexuality have to do with cereal? Why does it have to be socially aware? Can’t it just be…breakfast? It’s not like cereal has been historically heterosexual. It hasn’t spoken up for traditional marriage or shared an opinion on what bathroom anyone should use. Cereal having a sexual preference spells doom.
At an animal rights protest in London, a man was arrested. A man dressed as a giant broccoli, who shouted “give peas a chance” as he was carted away in handcuffs.
Then, there was this super awkward interview.
Verdict: This is more funny than doom to me, but maybe that in and of itself is a sign of doom. This is a tough call.
First Responder Manicures
While medical personnel tended to a woman at the scene of a car accident recently, Utah firefighters Shift Battalion Allen Hadley and Captain Kevin Lloyd noticed that her daughter, though uninjured, was scared. She also happened to have a bottle of nail polish. So, while waiting for her mom to get the medical care she needed, the two men, who both had little girls of their own at home, offered to let her paint their nails.
Before long, she was calmed down and focused on the task at hand (pun intended). The story of these guys taking such good care of the little girl at the scene quickly went viral.
Verdict: Zero doom. We’re going to be ok.