New NBC/Wall Street Journal polling is out on the current field of Democratic Candidates and, seeing as it’s a Monday, we will need GIFs to deal with this.
So, here’s how things are going with the entire field:
Just like last week (which I explained in Taylor Swift lyrics), Joe Biden comes out on top. In this poll, he’s got 26% of the vote. I guess they don’t care that he’s a creeper who just can’t keep his hands to himself.
Next, we have Elizabeth Warren with 19%. Remember how she pretended to be native American to get ahead in life and then pretended it was no biggie? She kind of reminds me of Mallory.
Kamala Harris is coming in at 13% and will promise pretty much anything to raise those numbers. She’s kind of like Cheryl Tunt.
In fourth place is Bernie Sanders, also polling at 13%. He is still as economically literate as ever, leading the electorate to beg of him, as Archer begs Lana:
(preferably one on economics)
7% of poll respondents chose “not sure”as their candidate of choice. These votes are up for grabs, so the candidates are ready to sweeten the pot.
Next, also at 7%, is Pete Buttigieg. “Mayor Pete,” as he’s known spends most of his time talking about the fact that he’s gay and has a husband, which nobody really cares about, but he really really wants us to.
He wants to be able to complain like Dr. Krieger.
In this poll, 2% of the voters wouldn’t choose any of these people. They’re like:
This week’s honorable mention goes to Bill deBlasio, who has less than 1% of the vote, and the time he killed a groundhog by pulling a Pam.
I would also like to welcome Tom Steyer to the race! As a billionaire, he has the most in common with railroad heiress Cheryl Tunt, and I imagine going to his house would be something like this.