College can be confusing — what kind of program should you pursue?
In the old days, a sensible selection included history, English, science, and math.
Thankfully, today’s secondary education presents a veritable panoply of options, much more colorful than the dreary days of yore:
Graduate Certificate in Social Justice in Public Service (University of Central Florida)
Graduate Certificate in Antiracism (University of North Carolina)
Bachelor of Arts in Queer Ethnic Studies (San Francisco State University)
Bachelor of Arts in Antiracist Studies (Keene State College)
Bachelor of Arts in Race and Resistance Studies (San Francisco State University)
Minor in Racial Justice, Equity and Inclusion (University of Nebraska)
And it’s a good thing — contemporarily, even many secretarial jobs require an undergraduate diploma.
But what if the first
four five six years of college don’t leave you personally fulfilled? In the event that you’re sullen over success on the Bachelor rung, just take out a loan and climb higher — for your Master’s in “Happiness Studies.”
New Jersey’s Centenary University is offering a graduate degree in that very thing.
Per the official announcement, it’s eminently applicable:
Centenary University’s Master of Arts (M.A.) in Happiness Studies is designed to prepare students to advance into supervisory and management positions in any career field.
You can sunnily soak up all that academic mirth while remaining in bed, not having had a shower or spoken to another human being in weeks:
We conveniently offer an online-only option for this 30-credit program.
Additionally, you’ll be elatedly learning from an Ivy League expert:
Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar is an internationally renowned teacher and author in the fields of happiness and leadership. After graduating from Harvard with a BA in Philosophy and Psychology and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior, Tal taught two of the most popular courses in Harvard’s history: Positive Psychology and The Psychology of Leadership. He then taught Happiness Studies at Columbia University. A prolific writer, Tal’s books have appeared on best-sellers lists around the world and have been translated into more than 30 languages.
As if that weren’t enough, Tal “consults and lectures to executives in multinational corporations, educational institutions, and the general public.”
He’s the creator of the Certificate in Happiness Studies and the Happier School programs, and he even co-founded the Happiness Studies Academy.
As for fields where your degree will fit right in, here are a favored few:
- Human Resources
- Educators and Administrators
- Private-sector Leadership and Managers
- Non-profit Leadership and Managers
Courses comprising the peppy program include the following:
- GHS 500 Foundations of Happiness Studies
- GHS 501 Introduction to Happiness Studies
- GHS 502 Integrative Leaders on Happiness
- GHS 503 Facilitating Happiness
- GHS 504 Philosophy and Happiness
- GHS 506 Wholebeing Coaching
- GHS 507 Happiness in Literature and Film
You’ll even get to take a trip:
A SPIRE Retreat (4 credits)
In this course, students get to apply as well as deepen their understanding of much of what they’ve learned in previous courses. The focus will be on bringing together reflection and action (ReflAction) for the purpose of personal and collective transformation — for students to help themselves become happier, as well as for students to learn how to help others do the same. Students will spend an average of 80 minutes each day engaged in individual as well as group activities that cultivate the SPIRE elements, including but not limited to the following:
- Different forms of journaling
- Physical exercise
As noted by Fox News, the whole ecstatic endeavor will only delightedly drain your future sparkling self to the tune of $17,700.
Thirty credit hours break down to $590 per. Given that, the SPIRE Retreat is a blissful bargain — how else could you learn “breathwork” and “reminders” for under $2,360? And how otherwise might you sit at the feet of an orator to the “general public” for less than the cost of a 2022 Mitsubishi Mirage?
There’ll be no mere mirage of merriness — you’ll have literally mastered happiness. Other degree recipients may feel depressed due to their overwhelming debt; but not you — your piece of paper proves it.
Your happiness will have cost quite a lot, but now it’s there to ease the pain. It’s the wound that heals itself — even though the healing hurts.
For previous generations, education was aimed at imparting pragmatic skills. These days, we’re more enlightened. Happiness is important, indeed.
And in this new age, there’s even a giddy way of unloading yourself of those loans. We’ve known since the days of John Harvey Kellogg that a happy gut makes for a happy girl or guy. So submitted for your approval, a side job to start your debt snowball:
Biotech Company Offers up to $1500 a Month — and All You Have to Do Is Poophttps://t.co/ChbaYAfdmf
— Alex Parker (@alexparker1984) March 29, 2022
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