Flight to Crazytown: All Heck Breaks Loose on a Plane to New York, and It's a Masterful Metaphor for America

DOUGLAS C. PIZAC

 

Wherever you were Tuesday, thank your lucky stars it wasn’t on a plane from Jamaica to JFK.

As reported by the New York Post, the JetBlue excursion took a turbulent turn before it even left the ground.

Buckle up for this one, and put your seat upright and your tray table in its locked position…

A male passenger, at some point, accused a woman of taking his seat.

And she admitted to kneeing him in the stomach.

In a video of the Kingston chaos, the lady laid out her defense:

“Because you deserve it.”

Mr. Deserving is seen in the clip shouting at flight attendants with his mask sagging below his chin, repeatedly leveling accusations against the woman.

And — because of course: He’s wearing a Burger King crown.

#Perfecto

[Warning: Vulgar Language — Including Racial Slurs — in the Video Below]

His Majesty does indeed bear resemblance to the delicious charbroiled chain’s mascot — just imagine an added mustache and beard.

However, he’s perhaps less King of Burgers than Potentate of Prejudice.

The Baron of Belligerence repeatedly shouted racial slurs.

In fairness, it all may be the mere result of being a Sultan of Insanity.

Could he have been an Emperor Under the Influence?

Whatever the case, his Royal Heinous was fit to be tied.

And probably needed to be.

“Kick that [N-word] b—- off the plane!” he dementedly decreed.

“She kneed me in the stomach!”

Even a flight attendant let some foul language fly:

“I don’t care what she did, you’re being disrespectful! Shut the f— up for just two seconds!”

If only the King had been covered in a COVID-crafted cardboard coronet from May, there might not have arisen such a situation:

But alas, his headband was less haughty.

Meanwhile, his attitude was a whopper.

Hence, some passengers got plane sick of it.

From the Post:

Video of the aftermath of the man’s eruption shows multiple people running up the aisle to pounce on him, before being held back by flight crew and fellow fliers.

Not helping his plight: the fact that he dumped water on the attendant.

His accompanying cry:

“I want a f—–g lawsuit right now, motherf—-r!”

The raging royal excused his lewd language by hailing his heritage:

“Excuse me — I’m part West African! I can say [the N-word] any time I want!”

As noted by TMZ, the man was later carried off by cops.

He’d previously, screamed, “Call the f—— police!”

King Crazy’s since been banned from JetBlue.

Spokesman Derek Dombrowski crowned him crummy:

“We have zero tolerance for racism or harassment, and after reviewing this customer’s abhorrent racist behavior, we have determined he is no longer welcome to fly JetBlue.”

Personally, I’m surprised the guy didn’t get pummeled somethin’ fierce.

People on planes are uncomfortable: They’re packed in, often pooped, and — at the moment — in potential pandemic peril.

He’s lucky to have been jettisoned from the jet with unbroken wings.

Putting aside the guy’s actual words and just soaking in the insanity, it seems to me it’s a perfect picture of 2020. We’re all on that plane.

And in November, we’re taking off to who knows where.

For the sake of us all, good Lord — let’s hope all the loons get lost on a layover…as we prepare for our flight to the future.

-ALEX

 

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