'Regular Guy' With Head-to-Toe Tattoos and Blacked-out Eyeballs Loses His Kindergarten Teaching Job

(Martin Schutt/dpa via AP,file)
AP featured image
In this Oct. 18, 2016 file photo, a fire salamander perches on a mossy surface near Oberhof, Germany. Europe’s salamanders could be decimated by an alien invader that has already wreaked havoc in some part of the continent, scientists say. Researchers who examined the impact of a non-native fungus on fire salamanders in Belgium and the Netherlands found that it is lethal to the amphibians and almost impossible to eradicate. (Martin Schutt/dpa via AP,file)


We’ve all heard it — “Good luck getting a job like that.”

Such statements are often offered by the old to the young, warning that alterations to their appearance will clip their careers.

Yet — as I’m sure you’ve noticed — dress codes ain’t what they used to be.

Consider the case of school teacher Sylvain Helaine.

Education’s looking different these days, and Sylvain’s a perfect portrait.

He happens to be overseas, but I’m betting the guy could get his claws on a classroom close by.

It’d sure be something to see: The freethinking Frenchman’s absolutely covered in tattoos.

That includes the soles of his feet.

And his tongue.

And his eyeballs.

“Little Timmy, meet your teacher — he’s a salamander.”

As reported by Reuters, the inked instructor says most kids are “cool” with his lizard look — so long as they get up close and personal:

“It’s only when people see me from far away that they can assume the worst.”


He’s certainly seen some setbacks — last year, an unfortunate incident cut short his kindergarten career.

At the Docteur Morere Elementary School in Palaiseau, a three-year-old caught sight of the gila-monsterish man.

Parents later complained their tot was terrified to the tormenting tune of nightmares. 

Two months later, Sylvain’s position was poached.

It was determined, per an education spokesman, that kindergarteners “could be frightened by his appearance.”


He believes “the decision they took was quite sad.”

But don’t misunderstand — he’s still leading little kids:

“I’m a primary school teacher … I love my job.”

But it’s not his only one — since the age of 27, the Caucasian’s spent roughly 460 hours getting penned into a person of color — including green, pink, and yellow.


He had an “existential crisis” while teaching at a private school in London, and now being tattooed is his “passion.”

If you ask me, he’s got his finger on the planet’s pulse — according to media messaging, one’s shade of skin is more critical than it’s been in 60 years.

Apropos, move over Rachel Dolezal — Sylvain’s got a more authentic aim:

“One day I will end up fully covered in black ink.”

It’s inevitable:

“I will keep covering myself layer after layer, ending up black – not necessarily because I want to, but because the more you cover, the darker you get.”

Still, he told the Sun he wants people to see what’s inside:

“Sometimes an old grandmother will see me in the playground and call my boss to say, ‘Hey, who was that weird guy around the children?’ But as soon as they see I’m an intelligent teacher, they are okay. I’m just a regular guy, a schoolteacher – once they realise they should never judge a book by its cover, everything goes smoothly.”

He’s just a school teacher, folks. And, apparently, “Freaky Hoody.”

Previously, he was a martial arts instructor.

Whatever the situation, the man knows how to fit in. He’s a veritable chameleon.


And perhaps one day he’ll be teaching your tykes.

Send ’em to school with an apple — they can be the teacher’s pet.


Or maybe he can be theirs — if they have a terrarium.



See more pieces from me:

Hero Sandwich: Chicago’s Famously Gay ‘Boystown’ Gets Toasted, Renamed Over a Non-Binary Beef

Moxie Gets a Makeover: Gucci Debuts Its $2,600 Dress – for Men

Say Cheese: Costco Cancels a Pimento Based on Mayor’s Portrait of Black Lives Matter

Man’s Penis Falls Off, Doctor Adds One to His Arm

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