Woman Tries to Frame Ex-Boyfriend by Supergluing Her Vagina, Accidentally Goes to Prison Instead

This July 19, 2018, photo shows a display of sparkle Elmer's glue in a Walmart in Pittsburgh. Elmer’s has been expanding beyond its famous white school glue to purple, pink and blue glitter glue and even a slime starter kit. (AP Photo/Gene J. Puskar)

 

Breakups are sticky situations, and for one woman in Spain, that’s especially true.

As reported by The Daily Mail Thursday, Vanesa Gesto was unhappy with her ex-boyfriend. This prompted an elaborate scheme.

Her idea: Pretend she’d been kidnapped, then watch him go to jail.

SUCKER.

In October of 2016, it worked — for a few days.

Vanesa came up with quite a yarn: She claimed her former main man had abducted her in a black car outside her home and then dumped her out, half-naked and hurt.

Perfecto.

Unfortunately, she was bested by the tale of the tape.

A supermarket’s CCTV caught her buying what cops later called a “kidnap kit,” which included knives.

Furthermore, video footage revealed the only vehicle that drove past the alleged abduction point during the purported gal-grab was a garbage truck.

Hence, she was recently convicted of two counts of making a false police report and sentenced to a whopping 10 years in prison.

As noted by The Daily Wire, that’s a bit of a doozy compared to the typical punishment for false allegations, particularly in the United States.

Still, it was less than it could’ve been — prosecutors had suggested she be sent up river for 11 years and eight months.

But a decade in the joint wasn’t her sole sentence: The lover scorned was ordered to pay her ex-boytoy $29,000.

To make matters worse, upon discovery of the ruse, Vanesa’s lawyer — Emilia Esteban, abandoned her in shame:

“I always believed Vanesa, and that’s why I defended her. I feel humiliated and deceived.”

The sneaky lady should’ve known better than to try and pull the wool over the pupils of the popo — after all, Mr. X had an alibi and his brother was a witness.

And against a likely story, video is always a mighty foe.

But perhaps she deserves some slack, given her admirable commitment to the scheme.

You see, Vanesa used the knives to slash herself for realism.

The girl was bound and determined to make things stick.

And she certainly did — I give her an A for effort — or for “adhesive.”

Impressively, in order to really sell it, the vengeful vixen poured superglue…into her vagina.

I guess she really wanted to seal the deal.

Regrettably, for her valiant attempt, a presumably and peculiarly less porous Vanesa got put in the penitentiary.

It’s the same old story — man loves woman, woman loves man, man and woman break up, woman strips naked, cuts herself, empties epoxy into unmentionable orifice, goes to prison.

Love is a many splendored thing, my friends.

It’s sad — people don’t always stick together.

Vanesa tried to change that.

And she did — just not in the right way.

-ALEX

 

See more pieces from me:

Fangs a Lot, 2020: Libertarian Presidential Candidate Cancels Campaign Stop After Being Bitten by a Bat

A Pop Star Calls Out Cancel Culture’s God Complex: ‘I Am So Grateful God Never Canceled Me’

Our Doggone Snitching Society Gives Rise to Pepper-Spray Karen

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