Taxpayers Freak Over a Government Condom Program Soaked with Sexual Innuendo - in the Least Likely State



Think of Utah as a conservative place? Think again.

The Mormon mecca knows how to party.

The state’s Department of Health — in conjunction with the the Utah AIDS Foundation — ran an HIV awareness campaign called “H is for Human.” But something went wrong: They provided free ornamented condoms bearing untoward phrases such as these babies:


“Enjoy Your Mountin'” (accompanied by an image of a mountain)

“UninTAH Sex?”

“Put Your Arch Into It”

Not to mention:



“Toss the Jello Salad”

The simplest and most beautiful of all:

“Explore Utah’s Caves”

Finally, one presented a road sign; apparently, Filmore is 6 miles away.

Beaver is 9.

Don’t feel too bad for the sucker taxpayers who coughed up the cash; you’re one of them: The program used federal funds, not state.

Unfortunately for the creative minds behind the prolific prophylactic profundity, the wrappers elicited a hefty Thumbs Down from the public — think of Utah as a liberal place? Think again.

But thanks to ol’ Gov. Gary Herbert, though the program was stretched in the wrong direction, it’s snapped back.

Like, you know, uh…rubber.

From the press release:

With regard to the themed condoms, the UDOH is making a concerted effort to retrieve those which were provided to local partner agencies, and which had yet to be distributed to individuals at high-risk of contracting HIV.

According to the governor’s office, he doesn’t “approve the use of sexual innuendo as part of a taxpayer-funded campaign…”

Well that sucks.

As per the statement, condoms will be distributed without the salacious slogans.


I can think of some phrases they missed, but they’re none I should probably write here.

But I’d love to hear yours.

In the meantime, now that the wanton wordplay is history, we can all return to a much drier interpretation of things.

So if you’re in Utah and wanna feel the refreshment of a mountain stream, you’ll no longer be a pervert.



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