Is your B.O. stiffer than Al Gore?

Is the stench in your pants an Inconvenient Truth?

Does anyone near your corroded crotch doze into the Deep Sleep like a canary in a mine?

If so, thank you — I assume you’re saving the world.

In case some of you weren’t aware, not showering for a month is a legitimate way to fight climate change.

But a Scandinavian startup’s got great news: They’ve found a way to temper your B.O.dacious bod while still rescuing humanity.

Four Finnish inventors have developed underwear knitted with silver to kill 99.9 percent of all bacteria-causing odor.

And not only that, but the “seamless knitting technique” used in stitching the drawers together actually makes for a more comfortable wear — which you’ll need, since you won’t be changing.

Taking off clothes, washing them, drying…who needs it?

Not CEO Mads Fibiger, and not Mother Earth.

Mads explains:

“Our business is sustainable fashion. The traditional way of buying, wearing, washing, and throwing away overpriced underwear is a terrible waste of resources. And it is extremely harmful to the environment.”

As reported by Business Insider:

Washing and drying account for two-thirds of the total impact on the environment, and that is why Organic Basics got started on their underwear. … [Silver] is antimicrobial which is why NASA uses silver to purify water for astronauts.

You’ll also be glad to know that the fabric rubbing against your most personal portions was created from industrial waste:

“We use mechanically recycled nylon which is extremely sustainable as a textile choice. The nylon’s raw material is made from mechanically recycled nylon developed in Italy from post-industrial waste fiber, yarn from spinning factories, and waste from weaving mills. And we use a seamless knitting technology making the garment comfortable to wear even for longer periods of time.”

How long exactly? The company says you can sport the same pair of underwear “for weeks.”

Mads laments that “the fashion industry is a dirty bastard” which hasn’t done its part for the environment.

So do yours: Put on a pair of underwear, and just keep going. And going. And a dirty bastard is the opposite of what you’ll be.

So what’s the cost of saving the planet one taint at a time? A 2-pack of SilverTech Boxers goes for $64, and a pair of Thongs — mmmMMM — will run you 56 bucks.

They’ll also run people off.

But maybe not: Organic Basics has already sold more than 200,000 undergarments to approximately 50,000 people.

That, my friends, is the sweet smell of success.

Those little stinkers.

-ALEX

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