Pining for the Pinnacle of Stupid: Students Petition to Change White Pedestrian Crossing Lights to a Shade Closer to People of Color



We’ve all been there: You’re about to cross the street, when suddenly you spot a sign with a stick figure, and you’re paralyzed by oppression. And it’s basically the same as the worst things that have ever happened to anyone in history, because you wisely and thoughtfully understand the high stakes and scope of potential human suffering.


And if there’s any justice in this world, you’ll one day be delivered from the horror that is straight lines drawn in a configuration that triggers you. Comprised of an absolutely soul-crushing hue.

Or you could just cross the street and go on with your life.

According to Campus Reform, a group of students at George Washington University erred somewhere between those two ideas, in the name of that most superior of all things on the planet — inclusivity.

New Woke Rules, so far as I can tell:

Most virtuous thing: inclusivity
Most unacceptable thing: anything “problematic”
Most inclusive thing: anything exclusively left-wing
Most racist thing: all things that can be said to be things

In a recent CR video, Campus Correspondent Ethan Cai polled GWU peeps: Would they be willing to sign a petition demanding a ban on the ubiquitous — say it ain’t so — white stick figure that signals “Walk” on pedestrian crossing signs, on account of its dastardly oppression?

Most in the clip gave a joyful Affirmative.

The college was chosen because of another mercilessly soul-crushing, problematic issue that the student body just voted to squash: its now-defunct mascot, George the Colonial.

As per the petition to junk George, his presence was “received as extremely offensive not only by students of the University, but the nation and world at large.”


Wow — these youngsters know about the whole world. Touché.

Indeed, Jerky George “[glorified] the act of systemic oppression.”

Here’s how CR’s goofy, phony-baloney petition read:

“As we students cross the street, we are told by the symbol of a white man when it is okay to cross. Many students from diverse backgrounds, including individuals of color, gender fluid individuals, and LGBTQA+ individuals, feel oppressed by this. … [We] vehemently urge the University to consider changing the crosswalk signs.”

Check out the results:

It’s almost as if you can hear the air leaking from their brains as they speak.

I wonder if any of the Woke Warriors — in an effort to banish the white light — have considered that light itself is white? In fact, in the video, they’re also standing in — yea, they are absolutely bathing inwhite light. The light of the sun. They’re drenched in it. In the horrible, inherently and unbearably evil color of white.

No word yet on how they’ll be able to see the stick figure if it’s changed to black — the absence of all light. Will people being hit by cars be less “problematic”?

Either way, as I understand the rules to go, the black stick figure will be inclusive. Even though no human beings are actually black. Or — it should be noted in the consideration of how idiotic this entire thing is — white.


In the future, we’re all in big trouble.



See 3 more pieces from me:

Students At UC Berkeley Prefer The ISIS Flag, Call The Stars And Stripes A Symbol Of Shameful Imperialism Great News! Millennials Like Socialism!

Holy Moley, We’re Toast: ATL’s Democratic Socialists Conference Delivers The Most Bizarre 49 Seconds You’ll Hear All Month

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