How’s about a story that’s so dumb you can’t believe it exists?
In Britain, they’re trying to prevent violence.
So naturally, they’re doing the obvious: Authorities are taking away people’s sharp knives and giving them dull knives in return.
Aaaand utopia ACCOMPLISHED.
Folks who’ve been threatened at knife-point will receive, in a trade and compliments of the Nottinghamshire Police, “no point knives” to keep in their homes.
“No point” — that’s a good name for them, in more ways than one.
As communicated to the Independent by a law enforcement supervisor, the move’s simply something Brits need:
“We do see a fair amount of knife-related incidents in domestic abuse, not just on the streets. This is a measure we need to take. We want to reduce that risk. It is a trial. We have about 100 of them – and we have so far given out about 50. The knife is blunt at the end – but still functions as a knife – so you can’t stab someone.”
In case you’re wondering if this is a dream: No, this is really happening. You’re awake right now, and this is the world in which we’re all really living.
It’s really this dumb of a place.
The government’s idea, it seems, is that chicks in domestic violence situations will take home the knife that’s crummy for stabbing, and then their toxically masculine man’ll try to shank ’em, but then, in a British accent: “DadGUM! This thing won’t stab! Guess I’ll stop.”
Of course, now that the sharp knife is gone, that’s one less weapon the victim has, too.
Way to go, goobs.
The UK’s been at war with knives for quite a while. As reported by the Independent last year, a judge asserted any knife over 8 inches should be blunted on the end. Besides, who needs a knife, except a professional chef? He’d also like to see the advent of a system for knife-dulling:
“I would urge all those with any role in relation to knives – manufacturers, shops, the police, local authorities, the government – to consider preventing the sale of long pointed knives, except in rare, defined, circumstances, and replacing such knives with rounded ends,” the judge said in a ruling. “It might even be that the police could organise a programme whereby the owners of kitchen knives, which have been properly and lawfully bought for culinary purposes, could be taken somewhere to be modified, with the points being ground down into rounded ends.”
Is the Western world really at a…uhhh…point where, if you don’t absolutely need it, you shouldn’t have it?
If so, I can think of a whole lotta things other than knives that need to go. Like judges’ opinions on knives.
Dr. Jessica Eaton, founder of victims-rights group Victim Focus, suspects she knows who came up with the knife-swap program:
I feel like we are getting dumber and dumber around domestic violence.
So you gonna leave her in the situation but nip round to provide the offender with some blunt knives?
IN DV, ANYTHING IS A WEAPON, YOU MORONS. https://t.co/Lb4mrkBWSk
— Dr. Jessica Taylor (@DrJessTaylor) June 12, 2019
Jessica appears to have a good nose for this sort of thing.
And she can’t cut it off despite her face — her knife is too dull.
Or it will be, once cops figure out that you can still slash someone with the blade.
Knives can be sharpened.
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