Have you ever been reeling in a largemouth bass and — right at the point when the scaly, finned fighter popped out of the water — thought, “Hey — that thing would make some great genitals”?

Or have you ever been hunkered down at Red Lobster, fork in hand and bibb tucked in, and just before you stabbed that crispy red snapper, gone, “Wait a minute — I think this should be in my pants”?

If so, apparently, you’re not alone.

A 35-year-old Brazilian man recently put the “lap” in “tilapia,” courtesy of a groundbreaking procedure. The reason? He’d found himself in a pickle: His vagina was collapsing.

You see, when Maju was a young teen, he decided he was a woman trapped in a man’s body. So in 1999, he became the 4th person in the South American country to undergo an experimental operation to turn his #ToxicMasculinity into a #BelieveAllWomen.

But, as he relayed to FocusOn News, a problem arose:

“The opening of my vagina started to get narrower and shorter and the canal collapsed.”

Subsequently, he experienced persistent discomfort — which prevented sex with his 12-year-partner (the two are now divorced).

Maju’s predicament wasn’t unheard of:

According to [Professor Leonardo Bezerra], vaginal tract closure is common in trans women who have undergone a sex change.

He explained: “This is because, in the traditional procedure, most of the inside parts of the penis are removed and the penile skin is folded into the space between the urethra and the rectum. The outside skin of the penis then becomes the inside of the vagina.

Another thing that can negatively affect Maju’s vagina is his balls:

“But because the patient has had hormonal treatment to develop female characteristics, there is penile and testicle atrophy resulting in shrinkage in the size of the penis caused from the loss of tissue. This means the vagina can also be small.”

Chutin’ Fish in a (Double) Barrel

To make matters worse, doctors discovered the original surgery had actually left Maju with not one, but two vaginas:

[T]here were remnants of cavernous bodies, erectile tissue structures, still in the vaginal space.

“The presence of these leftovers of the penis aggravated the closure of the vaginal tract, worsening the symptoms,” said Bezerra.

The conventional surgical solution would be “invasive, long and leave scars.” But Dr. Bezerra has fish.

Rather than trying to sum up the complex medical details of the procedure, I’ll leave it to The Sun:

The highly complex procedure, called neovaginoplasty, used a tubular-shaped acrylic mould wrapped with the skin of the freshwater fish in the form of a biological prothesis to rebuild and extend the vaginal canal in a three hour operation on April 23.

The process involved inserting two separate moulds to create the new vagina. The first device, mounted with the marine membrane, was incorporated inside the vagina over a period of six days.

In contact with the patient’s body, the sterilised and odour free fish skin displays stimulatory cell growth properties. It is rich in type 1 collagen a substance that promotes healing and has a firmness and elasticity which is as strong and resilient as human skin.
The tilapia membrane attached to and recoated the walls of the vaginal canal acting like stem cells. These were absorbed into the body, transforming into cellular tissue similar to that of an actual vagina.

The second device made from silicone and described as a very ‘big tampon’ is designed to remain inside the vagina for up to six months to prevent the walls from closing.

It’s quite the miraculous implementation.

Professor Leonardo Bezerra said to FocusOn News: “We were able create a vagina of physiological length, both in thickness and by enlarging it, and the patient has recovered extremely well. She is walking around with ease, has no pain and is urinating normally. In a couple months we believe she will be able to have sexual intercourse.”

The device can be removed after this period as and when desired.

The process is being hailed as yet another breakthrough in gynaecological surgery which is tackling sensitive predicaments using the aquatic animal skin, normally thrown away as waste, as a substitute for human regenerative tissue.

Maju isn’t the first to have the procedure: Since its development three years ago, The Sun reports, “Dr. Bezzera has successfully treated 10 women and corrected the condition that causes the vagina and uterus to be underdeveloped or absent.”

As for Maju — in the words of the surgical team — he’s on his way to “a proper sex life.” Given today’s anti-slut-shaming attitude, that means he’ll soon be able to revel in the promiscuous lifestyle of the modern woman — free to have sex just for the halibut.

-ALEX

See 3 more pieces from me:

Lesbian Couple Identifying As Straight Couple Prepares To Transition 5-Yr-Old Son Into A Daughter

Straight Texas Couple Identifying As Gay Male Couple Conceive A Baby Boy, But They’ll Never Do It Again

‘HAIL SATAN’: Satanists Fight Trump, & Satanic Temple Founder Says He’s Comin’ For All You Theocrats

Find all my RedState work here.

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