On Saturday, I covered a school in Ohio’s decision to remove valedictorian and salutatorian honors for its seniors (here). The reason? Competition stresses kids out, so who needs it?

Principal Bobby Dodd explained things this way:

“[It] will help reduce the overall competitive culture at [Mason High School] to allow students to focus on exploring learning opportunities that are of interest to them.”

And Associate Principal Shanna Bumiller touted the triumph of happiness and wholeness over academic effort:

“It’s about what it means to be happy and what it means to be successful and it’s not just about the grade but it’s about the whole child.”

Some people thought the move was — what’s that word? Oh, yeah — idiotic.

But Superintendent Jonathan Cooper of Cincinnati’s Mason City Schools ain’t backin’ down. He appeared on Fox News program America’s Newsroom Monday and defended the more cooled-out version of school he wants teens to experience.

As stated by FoxNews.com:

The elimination of valedictorian and salutatorian will be replaced by honors similar to those in college – summa cum laude, magna cum laude, and cum laude. The district also announced they’d be starting classes thirty minutes later.

So they’ll get to sleep later, too. Bonus.

I wish my high school’d done the same thing — along with adding a personal butler to carry my books, a personal maid to dust my locker, a class called “Hot Tub,” a limo to take me to and from school, $1,000 in clothes each semester, and maybe a chocolate milk dispenser in every classroom.

And how ’bout let’s end the school day at noon?

That woulda made me less stressed. And happier. And closer to whole.

Back to Superintendent Jonathan, he gave AN hosts Bill Hemmer and Sandra Smith a startling reason the school decided to take the edge off that whole…well, school thing: suicide.

The students were killing themselves, so academia had to say, “Okay, we’ll just kinda stop.”

See for yourself:

“[A]s our community came together and started to look at some of the unhealthy patterns — the rise in anxiety and depression and suicidal ideation — we know that suicide is the second leading cause of death in youth today across America, so we started to look at what we can do as school leaders to make a change.”

What in tarnation??

These days, Jonathan’s all about just whatever the students wanna do:

“Well, you know, we want our kids to pursue what they’re passionate about. We don’t want them to chase a magic number or artificial goal here. We want them to pursue what they’re interested in.”

What they’re interested in? That reminds me of another class I wish my school’d had, but I probably shouldn’t put it in writing here.

So there you have it, folks: Academic excellence is an artificial goal, and if adolescents are offing themselves, that means they should probably try to be a bit dumber.

And that’s what’s called “education.”

Students need to just relax at school — all those stressed-out Sean Astins need to chill like Pauly Shore:

As per the school district’s website, here’s why they hired Jonathan:

[T]he Mason City School Board determined it was essential to select a chief executive who could keep the high-performing school district on its course of providing high impact learning, superb staff support, and deep parent and community partnerships.

Way to go, Mason City Schools.

They’re not alone in their scholastic drive toward revolution. Here are some other cavalier turns being taken across the country:

• A banning of Jesus at a school in Virginia (here)
• A cancellation of The Vagina Monologues because it excludes women who don’t possess vaginas (here)
• A teacher forced to quit because he believes in accurate pronouns (here)
• The installment of an abortion-drug vending machine at Yale (here)
• A banning of mean speech at the University of Montana (here)
• A banning of personal prom transportation in the name of equity — plus a forced bus ride (here)
• A cancellation of a Disney musical because it’s racist (here)
• A barring of Chick-fil-A, against the literal vote of students, because it’s not politically “progressive” (here)

-ALEX

Relevant RedState links in this article: here.

See 3 more pieces from me:

WATCH: Sports Illustrated ‘Shatters Perceptions’ & Teaches You What’s Attractive With Its New ‘Obese’ Swimsuit Model

Party ‘Til You’re Blistered: Coachella Sees A Massive Record-Breaking Herpes Epidemic

WATCH: A New Batwoman Is Coming To TV, And It’s Far More Woke Than The Superheroes Of Old

Find all my RedState work here.

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