Maybe you have an amazing mom. Maybe she’s as fantastic as Lily Munster. But please for the love of Pete, tell me you’re not celebrating Mother’s Day this Sunday.
You call yourself woke? You’re an amateur.
This weekend’s your chance to go pro.
You can crawl from your primordial cisgender ooze and follow the lead of Melbourne, Australia’s Brunswick East Primary School, which has banned the oppressive calendar blight in favor of the more inclusive Appreciation Day.
But what if the thing you appreciate is the fact that it’s called “Mother’s Day”?
Did I just blow your mind?
I’m just joshin’ — mothers are old hat. And who’s to say everyone has one? It’s only the singular method for human multiplication. But don’t get all science on us.
The Daily Mail reports:
In previous years, the school has hosted a fundraising stall where children could buy Mother’s Day merchandise such as mugs, trinkets, candles and soaps.
But staff have decided to change it because some families were offended – and now children can buy gifts for any special person in their life.
In a newsletter, Principal Janet Di Pilla explained, beginning — appropriately — with an apology for previously bein’ a major jerk of a momma’s girl:
I am sorry that in the past we have offended some members of our community and I hope that this acknowledgment goes some way to address any hurt which has occurred in the past.
I sincerely hope that this change in name will show that we as a community recognise that our families are not made up of any particular combination of people and that we no longer subscribe to a binary world.
You heard her, folks — no “particular combination of people.”
So binary sex, ya gotsta go. So says…A SCHOOL.
And that’s where we are.
Wokeness, we’ve struck the motherload. I mean…
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