Holy cats.

Think you’ve had a bad fast food experience? It probably wasn’t as wretched as that of Bryan Reese.

On February 24th, the Philadelphia resident wanted to make a run for the border and found himself needing to consider a dash for the hospital. After waiting 45 minutes for tacos.

Reportedly, the culprit was those darned GrubHub orders, which had overwhelmed the restaurant. Multiple inhouse patrons’ Mexican meals were subsequently held up.

Bryan complained to the staff — apparently, a bit too much.

According to his account — which is to say (as with all of this), allegedly — three of the TB employees jumped the counter and followed him out of the joint. They then began to beat the snot out of him and his girlfriend.

I’m talkin’ LA Riots style.

With three more employees joining.

Bryan recounted the insanity to ABC 6:

“I backed out of the store. They continued to follow me. They put me on the ground, and I don’t really remember too much else. Except for when I got up, my girlfriend was on the ground being beat, too. She wasn’t even in the store at the time.”

Good grief!

They pounded those folks like Ben Shapiro’s thoughts pummeling Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Green New Deal (here). Imagine that level of violence: a child-violinist-turned-fast-talking-state-of-the-art-robot eviscerating the mid-yawn, mudskipper-level cognition of a bright-eyed roof-dancer who believes America would be saved if she could just stop cows from farting in its metaphorical face (here, here, and here).

Brutal.

After the colossal Lord of the Flies clobbering — the conch shell replaced by a corn tortilla one — Bryan was told by the taco terrorists’ corporate overseers he wouldn’t be granted the names of his attackers.

The Bell eventually capitulated.

This post may have had something to do with TB’s change of heart.

@tacobell 1037 chestnut. Phila pa. Your employees jump counters and beat up customers in the street. pic.twitter.com/D5BQE7H5oV

— Beasley (@throwdembows) February 25, 2019

Another encouragement might’ve been the video a little farther down this page.

He was also given a $20 gift card for his bloody troubles.

That seems a bit insufficient.

Bryan thought so, too.

Ultimately, the taco chain fed the public an apologetic statement about the caveman-style beatdown:

“We’re shocked and disappointed to see this situation; we and our franchisees do not tolerate this behavior. The franchisee who owns and operates this location is retraining its staff, and all team members involved have been terminated.”

It’s good that they’re retraining everyone. I guess their initial training of, “Chase people outside and give them a savage, fisted pulverizing” turned out to send the wrong message.

Perhaps not merely coincidentally, the same location also made the news this week for its abusive treatment of GrubHub employee Kyle Scott:

“They were calling me [expletive], we’re not making your [expletive] order.”

Great buncha folks.

Bryan is pressing criminal charges.

He tweeted:

“I bet this would never happen at a Chick-fil-A.”

I was assaulted by a number of @TacoBellTeam employees, when I reached out to @tacobell for justice they offered a $20 gift card, they must have thought I said Birthday not Assault. I bet this would never happen at a @ChickfilA

— Beasley (@throwdembows) March 6, 2019

Betcha he’s right.

Then again, Chick-fil-A is evil (here and here).

The taco chain has done some good lately — or, at least, their Fire sauce did: it helped save a man’s life. Read all about that here.

In more Taco Bell news, I’ve got a story you most likely missed when it went down. It’s here, and it’s ready for your hungry eyes:

“Woman Refused Service at Taco Bell for an Incredibly UnAmerican Reason.”

Enjoy. Same goes for the hilarious mudskipper video below.

-Alex

Relevant RedState links in this article: here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

See 3 more pieces from me: vaping, veeping, and voting.

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