Ready for some craziness?
For the most woke feminists, January is the month to increase awareness of the terror of oppressive gender norms.
Women, rage against the system: Stink, belch, fart, throw away your makeup, and…grow out your stunningly attractive armpit hair.
BEEE-A-UUUTIFUL.
Now that’s a real woman! D*mn right!
People Magazine reported on “Januhairy”:
Similar to the [November campaign “Movember”], which encourages men to grow mustaches to raise awareness of men’s health issues, such as prostate cancer, testicular cancer, and men’s suicide, Januhairy is a new annual event targeted to women.
Januhairy encourages women to embrace their body hair by growing it out throughout the month. This new craze was started by Laura Jackson, a drama student at the University of Exeter in the U.K. after she noticed a difference in how she felt when she grew out her body hair for a role.…
She’s encouraging others to support the movement and the cause associated with it. Jackson created a Crowdfunding page to support the body-positive organization, Body Gossip, which empowers every body to be the best version of themselves through Arts and Education. Her goal is to raise 1,000 pounds and she’s three-quarters of a way to her goal (739 pounds have already been raised).
Therefore, in honor of Januhairy, woke chicks are proudly displaying the gorgeous elegance of their hairy underarms.
Because nothing changes the world like nasty manhair.
Armpits: Mechanism of Galactic Change.
This is where we are. These are the stakes. How high. We’re fighting the scourge of hygiene and pronouns. Greatest generation, my butt! Those WW2 ladies shaved! Lazy cretins!
So it’s great, right? Well, the goalpost of Social Justice War is always in motion. And as it turns out, the hairy chicks are the cretins: According to feminist site Jezebel, all these honkies growing out their pitbushes are actually endorsing white supremacy.
Writer Prachi Gupta schools the world:
Let’s please keep it in perspective: a white woman discovering and promoting the wonders of not shaving her pits, in the dead cold of winter, when we shave the least anyway, is not a particularly brave stance.
It isn’t? That isn’t bravery in 2019?? She says nope.
Pretty white women are often celebrated for their bushy eyebrows or for their courageousness in growing long, silky strands from their pits…
Right — pretty white women are “often celebrated” for their “long, silky strands” of pit hair. Sorry — back to Prachi. Let’s start that again:
Pretty white women are often celebrated for their bushy eyebrows or for their courageousness in growing long, silky strands from their pits…, but it’s black and brown women and trans people we should be honoring and highlighting; they are routinely mocked, harassed, and threatened for refusing to conform to Euro-centric, Western standards of beauty.
So honor someone presenting as the opposite sex, if they have a giant underarm mane. This is how we possess virtue in the modern age. Take THAT, GI Generation!
Because:
While white women are liberating their pits, brown people, who have darker, and oftentimes coarser, thicker hair (in more places), are contending with colonialist expectations of what their bodies, and hair, are supposed to look like.
For brown people of all genders, the choice to not conform to society’s expectations of how to treat their dark hair are not met with such celebration, nor are they decided upon so casually. In 2012, Reddit attempted to shame Sikh woman Balpreet Kaur by a posting her photo of her (taken without her consent) online (she righteously schooled Reddit about the sanctity of the human body and why she doesn’t have time for your bullshit.) Gender non-conforming artist and writer Alok V. Menon has talked about facing death threats simply for daring to post a photo of them in a bathing suit.
Here’s the photo Prachi included:
In closing, Jezebel offered this:
With that, I say: It’s January. Grow your hair out—or don’t! I honestly don’t care. Just remember that feminism isn’t a white woman’s cute one-month hashtag exploration on Instagram.
I agree with that last statement.
-Alex
See 3 more pieces from me: Dennis Rodman wins me over, George H.W. gets celebrated, and the Reiners call you a Nazi.
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