Here’s a good one:
A class action lawsuit’s been filed against President Trump, the Department of Homeland Security, the Attorney General, and others.
My favorite fake lawyers, by the way: Perry Mason, Matlock, Saul Goodman (Breaking Bad), and Barry Zuckerkorn (Henry Winkler in Arrested Development). Any other suggestions?
I mention fake lawyers, because this is a fake lawsuit.
Or, at least, about as surreal as a real suit can be.
A dozen Hondurans in the migrant missile headed toward our southern border (here and here) are suing the U.S. government. Their claim? Their due process is guaranteed under the Fifth Amendment.
Since when did our Constitution apply to people from other countries…in other countries??
“No person…shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law.”
As everyone knows, in all of the Constitution, there’s an implied ending to each sentence — there was at the time of its writing, and there will forever be. And that implied tail is “in Honduras.”
Even Barry Zuckerkorn knows this.
Twelve Hondurans — half of them children — filed their grievance in D.C.’s U.S. District Court. The suit contends it’s common knowledge that Honduras, Guatemala, and El Salvador are “undergoing a well-documented human rights crisis.” And dang it, man, their rights to the Administrative Procedures Act and the Declaratory Judgement Act are being violated.
As I covered previously (here), the President is ready to protect the border with military aid. The lawsuit demands Trump can’t do that, because they’re asylum-seekers.
Furthermore, the suit questions whether tent cities (which Trump has proposed), are functional and whether they would fall under dictates from the Clinton-era Flores Agreement, which limits the amount of time minors can be detained.
So the Flores Agreement is suddenly good again? It’s the foundation of that Left-vilified institution of family separation (see here and here).
Here’s a quote from Mike Donovan, president of Nexus Services, which is funding the lawsuit:
“Federal law enables migrants to apply for asylum in the United States. President Trump and his administration have used ‘increased enforcement,’ like separating families and lengthening detention to violate migrant rights.”
For the sake of clarity, it seems we need a new amendment which states the following:
“Anyone from anywhere can come to the United States if they don’t like where they are. Everything is open. Everything is free. We are the world.”
Or something like that.
‘Til then, we’ll see how this lawsuit pans out. This nation, too. We currently have children from another country suing us, essentially protesting the idea that we have a border and the construct of citizenship. This is where we are. How did we get here? It certainly wasn’t via conservatism or old-school liberalism.
It appears we’ve been thrust into something even more old school: craziness. Our country virtuously offers opportunity to immigrants; but we lose the country and, therefore, the provisional opportunity, if we have no autonomous system by which people must become citizens through proper channels. Because, at that point, we aren’t a country; we’re merely a mass of North America.
And if we’re just a mass, we’re a mess.
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