Greetings from the sports desk located somewhere below the main deck of the Good Pirate Ship RedState. Sammy the Shark and Karl the Kraken have assured me they are ready and rarin’ to go with their coverage of all things college football…
Hopefully their coverage is better than their spelling.
Anyway, remember college football? It was glorious. There were these marvelous creations known as student-athletes, young men who agreed to attend a school for four years, often rewarded for doing so by being given an athletic scholarship paying for most if not all of their tuition and related school expenses. Everyone knew that the top players at major universities were getting undeclared cash and cheerleaders under the table. Still, for the most part, many schools’ football teams consisted of people who could actually find a classroom at least once in a while.
You had regional rivals divided into different conferences, all of which made geographical sense. For example, out here on the left coast where I live, you had the major universities located in the states next to the Pacific Ocean — that would be Washington, Oregon, and California (sorry, Alaska) — all in one conference called the PAC-8. PAC was short for Pacific, for those who automatically associate it with political action committees. This arrangement led to organic rivalries being played out every year. You had your crosstown rivalry with USC and UCLA. You had your local region rivalry of Cal and Stanford. And you had your inter-state rivalries of Washington and Washington State along with Oregon and Oregon State. Everyone played everyone else in the conference; the rivalry game would be the last of the season, and whoever finished with the best record was the conference champion. Simple.
Those days have gone the way of polyester leisure suits. Now, it’s all doling out the Name-Image-Likeness (NIL) money. Some of it is derived from players endorsing products or playing the role of social media influencers and such, and the rest comes out of alums’ pockets, funneled through school-approved organizations designed to help little Johnny sell more whatever. Players move from school to school at will, with the goals of those with sufficient talent trying to raise visibility for an NFL career and the other 99.44 percent milking the NIL gravy train as long as possible before reluctantly entering the real world. Four years of college, you say? Oh p’shaw! Try five. Or six. Or even seven, milking the nebulous eligibility rules for all they are worth. We now have players who have actually turned pro and washed out in preseason going to court demanding to return to college, and no, it’s not to finish their academic studies. The “college” part of college football has become an oxymoron. It is now high-roller semi-pro ball; the NFL’s unnamed minor league on full display.
Conferences? They still exist? Oh yes, and with a level of gerrymandering that would make Democrats blush as schools chase whichever arrangement might bring in more of that sweet, sweet broadcast rights money. Cal and Stanford are now in the Atlantic Coast Conference, much to the annoyance of the Pacific Ocean they are actually next to. USC, UCLA, and Oregon are in the Big 10, because nothing screams Midwest homeland roots and values like Los Angeles and Eugene, Oregon. The list goes on. As does the madness.
Anyway, since it is what it is (what it is), the NFL AAA league … er, college football season begins this weekend with the headliner being the rich-in-tradition season opener of TCU and North Carolina in Dublin … Ireland. The matchup is loaded with intrigue, topped by wondering how many times North Carolina head coach Bill Belichick will have to remind those assembled that the young woman by his side is his girlfriend and not his granddaughter.
In the actual football side of things, the preseason Top 25 features the usual suspects. Ohio State tops the list, followed by Oregon, Georgia, Notre Dame, and Texas. The only Top 25 team in action this weekend is #14 USC, which hosts San José State in the renewal of the legendary Spartans-Trojans rivalry. Well, it was legendary back in the 12th or 13th century BC. Today, not so much. The oddsmakers favor USC by 38.5 points, although if San José State manages to beat the spread, it should be considered at least a moral victory if not immediately invoke a federal investigation.
All snark aside, college football is once again upon us. The real action starts next weekend (September 3-7 — long weekend), when everyone that is everyone joins the party. If the good Lord is willing and the creeks don’t rise, we’ll have previews of high-profile matchups and such. I note in fairness that since I’m a Cal fan, in all likelihood I’ll be viewing the Top 25 action with jealous objectivity. May your team compete for the championship. Me? My measure of success is if at season’s end my team makes the Pop-Tarts Bowl.