Mayor Tom Barrett likes to brag that he has lowered violent crime in Milwaukee, WI. As Caleb Howe pointed out yesterday in Daily Links, Mayor Barrett currently makes this a centerpiece of his campaign against Scott Walker to become the governor of Wisconsin. He has lowered violent crime in Milwaukee. But as Erick points out, only for certain values of violent that are limited and not applicable to things like getting smacked around good and hard with a belt while tied up with duct tape.

According to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, over 500 known cases of aggravated assault have been mischaracterized as less serious crimes. Here is an example of what the Milwaukee PD no longer considers a serious assault.

During the argument, Moss’ boyfriend broke several things in their apartment, which upset her. She took a 5-inch knife and stabbed him twice in the chest and in the back, causing lacerations and a small puncture wound.

This was described by the police as an apparent minor injury. By misclassifying the weapon as “Other” instead of describing it as a knife, the incident was kept out of the database of serious violent crimes. Therefore it statistically did not count.

Another typical incident of “kids having some fun” involved a man named “Milo” walking up to a man and striking him on the head with a crowbar. This caused a serious head wound. By changing the weapon used from crowbar to “Other”, the police could once again successfully characterize the incident as a minor assault.

Among the various weaponry classified as “Other by the Milwaukee PD, we have pool cues, screwdrivers, knives, and my personal choice from the armory known as “Other”: The Good Old, All-American 2X4. I love how the police report narrative informs us that the assailant wailed on the victim with a 2X4 “without the consent of the victim.”

The humorous aspects of this political chicanery aside, there is a severely evil side to this that stifles the laughter at this obvious attempt to hide the truth. In the sickening case of one John Sanford, charged with misdemeanor assault, we read the following.

Known actor intentionally restrained the victim, a six year old child by tying his hands and legs together with duct tape. Known actor also put duct tape over victim’s mouth. Known actor then intentionally struck the victim multiple times with a black belt all over his body while restrained and unclothed causing multiple patterned linear marks, bruising and pain all over his body without consent.

I’m the father of a young boy who turns 6 next month. Pardon me a few minutes while I enter the html rant tags.

Mayor Barrett, I assume you worship a god that loves six year old boys rather than one that accepts them as sacrifices like a Phoenician Ba’al. I assume you would take great personal umbrage (or maybe take a break from the all-important Tom Barrett Career and notice) if one of your family members were beaten 90 times with a belt because the assailant had the desire to “make him **** himself.” So unless these assumptions give you far too much credit for being a normal, loving and sapient human being instead of a self-interested, despicable, careerist reptile, you WILL do the following:

1) The police chief who thought of the brilliant idea of classifying knives, screwdrivers, crowbars and 2X4s as “Other” so that he could Roger his Aggravated Assault stats and look like Mr. Law and Order needs to be fired. Get in a (expletive deleted) time machine and fire his (expletive) yesterday, Mr. Mayor.

2) Tell the people who sell insurance, hire security, open businesses and make decisions as to where to live and send their children to school in Milwaukee that you are a lying, amoral, careerist scumbag who has deliberately misrepresented the safety of their community so that you could pad your (expletive deleted) curriculum vitae.

3) You (EXPLETIVE) WILL personally apologize to that six year old boy. If that child’s relatives would like to beat you with an “Other” until you **** yourself, you will comply. Don’t forget to thank them when you finish relieving yourself.

Oh, and best of luck with that charming career you’ve got going. That is all. End Rant.