You know, at first I was probably just a touch annoyed that the White House has spent billions – this is not an exaggeration; billions – on encouraging ‘green jobs’ without knowing what the heck a green job is:
Buried deep inside a federal newsletter on March 16 was something called a “notice of solicitation of comments” from the Bureau of Labor Statistics at the Department of Labor.
“BLS is responsible for developing and implementing the collection of new data on green jobs,” said the note in the Federal Register, which is widely read by government bureaucrats and almost never seen by the general public. But the notice said there is “no widely accepted standard definition of ‘green jobs.'”
But then I saw this:
To help find that definition, the Labor Department asked that readers send in suggestions.
Suggestions? Oh, I have suggestions:
Moe Lane’s suggestions for Green Jobs:
- Nuclear power plant construction worker. Carbon friendly!
- Assessor of useless federal bureaucratic nonsense. Basically, what we do here is determine a reasonable per capita weight limit for each law or regulation out there: any paperwork found to be in excess of that per capita limit would then be immediately discarded and its originating bureaucrat taken out and beaten with a stick. Think of the paper we’ll save…
- Useless federal bureaucratic nonsense shredder operator. We can mulch the paper products. Mulch is green. Making mulch is a job. Hence, green job.
- Professional coercive democratization/capitalism indoctrination specialists. Essentially, teams of these people would go around en masse and turn corrupt totalitarian hellholes into vibrant multiparty democracies with free market economies*, thus helping the environment (I have to tell you: nobody pollutes like a Commie. Nobody).
- Republican federal legislator. Clearly the Democratic ones we have running things now don’t have a clue on how to generate any jobs, let alone specifically green ones.
That’s me. Always a giver.
Moe Lane
*You know. Like Israel.