"Turning the Jukebox Into An Instrument of Torture"

Since learning that their music was used at high volumes to induce terrorists to cooperate with the US, groups such as Nine Inch Long Nails, R.E.M, Rosanne Cash, Rage Against the Machine, and Pearl Jam are filing FOIAs with the DoD and supporting the closure of Gitmo. REM issued a statement:

“We have spent the past 30 years supporting causes related to peace and justice to now learn that some of our friends’ music may have been used as part of the torture tactics without their consent or knowledge, is horrific. It’s anti-American, period.”

I think they are onto something. Let’s go further and ban all music that is considered ‘torture’. I’d start with the guys that pull up next to you in the light, subwoofers pounding, and speakers blaring (c)rap with an abundance of profanity glorifying sex, violence, abuse of women, drug use, etc. What about your annoying co-worker who turns the music up at work? Celebrities mangling the notes to the national anthem at ball games? Any television theme song (e.g. Barney)?

I know, let’s ban the music of these bands because rebellious teens make the house foundations shake and drive their parents crazy (a rite of passage, it seems, since Elvis). Let’s ban rock concerts because they destroy the hearing (according to OSHA) and drive up healthcare costs.

And remember: it’s all for the children.