I learned an important lesson during Obama’s socialized medicine press conference the other night. I discovered that pediatricians remove healthy organs from children for cold, hard cash. My kids’ pediatrician said she got into it because getting peed and pooped on is inevitable in medicine and it was much more tolerable when coming from a child, not an adult. Little did I know, this seemingly caring facade was masking her profit-crazed pillaging. Come to think of it, I should look to see that my girls still have their tonsils lest they be harvested without my knowledge. How can Bam protect us from these vultures in Sesame Street Scrubs? He’s said we’ll pay for the quality of health care, not the quantity. I like the idea of separating medicine from a compensation system that has some fee payment schedule that pays doctors for the services they provide. Patients should be given the treatment they need, regardless. Of course, we can’t have vagabond pediatricians roaming the streets (that may make them even more savage) so they should be provided a salary to live on. I can’t be the first one to come up with this great idea, there’s probably a name for it. Obama alluded to the principal underlying his health care plan in an interview when he said, “that’s part of being a community.” This was shortly after the tragic suicide (or assassination by pediatrician) of TOTUS so Bam got the last two letters wrong. We learned from tonsilgate that the Bamster will even stoop the the level of accusing pedatricians of being mercenary barbarians in order to justify turning America into a place where everyone works according to his abilities and is paid according to his needs.