If we didn't laugh...

…we’d cry. Or go crazy.

It started with Iran’s arrest of fourteen squirrels accused of being Western spies. Yes, you read that right: squirrels. (I always knew those little critters were smarter than they look!)

And then there were the two Israeli pigeons that were caught doing surveillance on the uranium enrichment facility at Natanz. (If these birds “sang,” would that make them “stool pigeons”? Especially if they managed — as I dearly hope they did — to leave some stool samples on the mullahs’ heads!)

And who knew that antelope could be used as spies? (That was in Lebanon.) Well, if anyone could figure out how to do it, it’d be those crafty Jews, wouldn’t it!

Now, Egypt is getting in on the act, accusing Israel of orchestrating recent shark attacks on the shores of the Red Sea (to cut into Egypt’s income from tourism, don’t ya know).

But surely the worst thing those evil Zionist Masters of the World have done is to set wild boars loose in the fields of Samaria to eat up the crops of the poor Palestinian farmers. Ah, you ask, but wouldn’t the boars — they are wild, after all — also invade the nearby Israeli croplands? Ummm… er… well, I don’t know, but… those evil genius Jews have got it figured out! They probably implanted some kind of computer chips inside the pigs’ brains!

Sheesh. I always thought American Ostrich Syndrome (put your head in the sand and pretend there are no bad guys in the world, and we should all just join hands in a circle, buy the world a Coke and teach the world to sing — Kumbaya, preferably) was the most delusional thing out there.

But hey, I’ll take American naïveté any day, over the fevered paranoia that puts bushy-tailed rodents under arrest. (“Help, Bullwinkle, help!”)

Americans often have a hard time seeing anyone as an enemy, even when someone’s got a gun to their head. But those who’ve been brainwashed by Muhammad’s cult tend to see enemies behind every tree… or up in the trees!

Folks, it’s a zoo out there.

And that’s no joke.

Cross-posted at West to the West Wing 2012.