President Barack Obama, in a Nationally televised speech, expressly labeled the Fort Hood massacre a “Terrorist Attack”. He went on to heap praise on American intelligence networks for their fine work in discovering that the whole “Nidal Malik Hasan” identity is a sham.
In fact, President Obama announced, the perpetrator’s real name is Borg Gundarson, and he is a member of an Icelandic terrorist cell operating in the United States. The President stated that there are a number of such cells within our borders. Apparently they snuck into the U.S. through our lightly guarded border with Canada.
According to highly classified intelligence reports, these groups derisively refer to the U.S. as a “Secret Hideout for Icelandic Terrorists”.
An angry President Obama said that he is taking immediate action to close the Canadian border to make sure no more of these Icelandic terrorists sneak into the U.S. He plans to deploy the 81st Airborne Division and the 101st Airborne Division to seal the border from the Great Lakes to the Atlantic Coast. “After all,” said Obama, “any Nation that will not defend its own borders must be prepared for the consequences.” Further, he is dispatching the Atlantic Fleet to the area.
Obama stated that he is particularly upset that “Borg” and his compatriots would attempt to place the blame for their murderous attack on peace loving Muslims! “In fact,” the President stated, “I have instructed American Intelligence forces to thoroughly explore the possibility that Icelandic terrorists were behind the 2001 attacks on the Twin Towers and the attack on the USS Cole.”
In attempt to cover all his bases, the President apologized profusely to the Japanese people in case it should turn out that Icelandic terrorists were responsible for the attacks on Pearl Harbor. He also apologized to Jews and Christians, citing the possible involvement of Icelanders in the Holocaust and the Crucifixion of Jesus Christ!
“I should have suspected this immediately,” Obama said. “Given that island’s long history of violent terrorists acts, this murderous attack certainly comes as no surprise.
As soon as I saw the name “Nidal Malik Hasan” I knew immediately that something was not right. To the best of my knowledge, in the entire history of the world, there has never been a terrorist type attack perpetrated by a devout Muslim!”
The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.
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