President Obama has appointed former President Bill Clinton to the newly created post of “Virginity Czar of the United States of America.” In announcing the appointment, President Obama said: “There are millions of women in this Country who are sick and tired of virginity, but have had no way out other than committed and often complicated relationships. Now, finally, thanks to the kind of “Change” I promised, these women can rest easy knowing that their Government will stand behind them, or astride them, or whatever.”
“I chose former President Clinton for this strenuous job because of his often-demonstrated skills in this area”, Obama said. “I was particularly impressed by the Blow by Blow accounts of his flight home with the two very grateful young women he helped free from North Korea. The beaming smile on the former President’s face as he stepped off the plane told the story for the whole world to see.”
When asked for her opinion, Secretary of State Clinton commented: “Well, certainly no one can deny that the America women who join this Government program will be well served. Given his many years of experience at this type of “Government Service”, I’m sure Bill will “Raise the Bar”, so to speak!”
A spokesman for the Administration announced that, while the new department had a generous budget giving it the opportunity to set up a nationwide operation, former President Clinton has vowed to save the taxpayers many millions of dollars by meeting the servicing requests of American women personally! “I know it will be hard”, said Clinton, “but you can rest assured that I will rise to the occasion. Virgins of America, rejoice: Bill Clinton is riding to your rescue!”
However, Clinton did warn that a program of this magnitude would probably result in some rationing. Woman over 60, for example, would experience considerable delays while waiting for their servicing requests to be granted, while women in their 20’s or 30’s would receive priority “treatment”. Teen-agers, according to the former President, would receive immediate servicing!
In closing, President Obama made clear that this type of activity is nothing new for the Government, and that, in fact, it had been going on for generations. “When you stop to think about it”, Obama said, “This is exactly what the Government has been doing to taxpayers for a very long time. The only real change is that what was done “Figuratively” in the past, will now be done “Literally”!
Now that is really “Change you can believe in!!!”