No, I Will NOT Eat My Carrots!...Waahh!

Dear “Protesting” College Children Everywhere:

You’ll notice I addressed this to college “children” instead of to college students. This was purposeful, and I hope it will be a slap in the face, or rather a smack on the rear, which most of you have never – and should have – suffered. I have no doubt that this form of address will make you feel “un-safe”, and again, that was on purpose. You should know by now that the world doesn’t always feel safe, that dozens of times each day, you will get that “un-safe” feeling…and you should know by now how to deal with that.

No, darling, you don’t deal with it by having a giant tantrum, disrupting other people’s lives to the point of destroying them, because you want what you want, and you want it RIGHT NOW! When you react this way, you are the proverbial 3-year-old screeching that he won’t eat his carrots, he hates carrots, and he hates you for giving him carrots! Then, he throw his carrots on the floor and bangs on his little tray, demanding cookies and ice cream RIGHT NOW!

He has done nothing that should be rewarded with cookies and ice cream, just as you have done nothing – accomplished nothing – that gives you the right to demand that other people’s lives should be ruined. You’re just a bigger whiny, spoiled, screeching child…dude.

Out here in the grown-up world, your sensibilities will be accosted and offended daily. Mine are, every time I see a crucifix submerged in a beaker of urine, and it’s called “art”. Every time I turn on the TV and see men in women’s clothing having no-kidding cat-fights over a pair of shoes. Every time a Christmas tree is “protested” off school property. Every time I go to a movie and must sit through 20 minutes of previews showing bikini-clad girls teasing, flirting and finally “hooking up” with guys, sometimes complete strangers, in a bed…on a yacht…in a swimming pool…in a car. And, every single time I sit and write at Caribou Coffee, surrounded by college kids whose entire vocabulary consists of four-letter words…who can’t seem to get a single sentence out of their mouths (when they can mange to look up from the cell phones their parents likely pay for) without the help of cursing or blasphemy.

Now, I realize that most of you screeching children wouldn’t consider the above examples to be offensive, but pretend for a moment that it was just as horrible as a truckload of strangers screaming offensive words as they drive by, or a swastika made of human excrement in the bathroom (and, FYI, a swastika – originally a Sanskrit symbol of peace and long life, co-opted and corrupted by Adolf Hitler – is a virulent anti-Jewish symbol. Any Jewish students who use that bathroom should be the ones to take offense, I would think…just my opinion.).

So, as outrageously incensed as you claim to be, let’s just say I’m equally incensed about MY incidents outlined above. What should I do? Seriously. I’m sitting in a movie and I’m confronted by writhing nudity, out-of-wedlock sex, profanity, sacrilege, and I’m feeling “WAY UN-SAFE”, man! Should I get up and scream and yell about how offended I am, preventing anyone else from enjoying the movie? Should I protest in the lobby and demand that everyone from the owner of the theater to the popcorn people be fired immediately? Should the guy in the booth who actually runs the movie be forced to apologize publicly and then be perp-walked off the premises?

You know, it’s sounding more and more tempting…because after all those horrible folks are gone, well, you know I’m gonna want employees “sympathetic” to my cause, who understand and embrace my grievances…and, of course, who will never, ever show movies like that again. Would you mind that?

You children, forgive me for saying so, know NOTHING. You were sent to college to learn something, but tantrums like this show that you still know NOTHING, and that, now, you have also become like 2-year-olds with a box of matches – dangerously stupid.

Your parents are to blame. Your professors are to blame. No one has ever taught you that with rights come responsibilities, and you CAN’T HAVE ONE WITHOUT THE OTHER! Additionally, you were never taught to respect your elders, just because they are your elders. You were taught that the exception (an adult who didn’t warrant respect) was the rule. That was incorrect. Your teachers and your parents deserve your respect from the outset just for having lived longer – and thus knowing more – than you. Period.

One last thing, kids: they owe you NOTHING! You are NOT victims. You are wimpy children with a huge case of the “I wants”. And, the best thing for your elders to do in this case is to tell you to TOUGHEN UP, stop screeching and seeking victimhood at all costs! If you want to change something, then man-up and go about it properly like a big boy/girl.

Meanwhile, shut up, get your ass to class and do what’s expected of you as someone privileged and blessed enough to be in college. Otherwise, drop out and go make a living. I want to see what happens when you tell your boss at UPS that someone made you feel “un-safe”…(snort).