Diary

Obama Unleashes Secret anti-terrorism weapon to thwart Christmas bomber: First time in nearly decade

Portland

My sources tell me that for the first time since 2000, the White House released a highly classified, top-secret anti-terrorism weapon to stop the attempted blowing up of Northwest Flight 253 over Detroit on Christmas Day.

Developed at Ft Dietrich, Maryland during the Carter Administration, and kept in a secure vault 20 stories deep in the earth, its only other known use was on New Year’s Day, 2000 along the Canadian border.

Known only as the “BFL-strain” it’s unknown if it is gaseous or liquid, so secret has its existence been kept.

In 2001 it was charged that President Bush could have employed it before the 9/11 attacks, but unnamed sources close to President Bush in Texas told me that while the president had heard of BFL, he personally didn’t believe it existed, and under no circumstances would rely on it. Sources close to the Clinton Administration confirm this, saying the existence of BFL had been kept from his successor, a wall of secrecy having been established by Deputy Attorney General, Jamie Gorelick.

Finally, it was learned that the Obama administration, needing to transfer funds from national security to his costly and expanding domestic agenda, signed an executive order only on December 21st, ordering the BFL- Strain to be removed from mothballs and recommissioned as the front line of defense against terror activities in the United States.

Robert Gibbs, White House spokesman would neither confirm not deny this claim, but was overheard whispering in Rahm Emanual’s ear only yesterday, “All that stands between American casualties and the terrorists is blind frigging luck.”

Bernard Chumm, in Portland