The Party of "Rape Whistles": As I Awaken From My Pop Tart Induced Slumber, Having Purposely Missed A Call From A Coworker I Think, So I Wouldn't Have to Fill In At Work, On Presidents' Day, I Read This Crock About Rape Whistles

Nobody likes to wake up to moronic ideas from moronic morons. Why must they bother the Ghost man huh? This has been brilliantly covered by St. Louis’ own Dana Loesch and Michelle Malkin but you know, when folks say stupid stuff I can’t hold back my response. I’m nowhere near the level of recognition as those two but dumb is like penicillin, I’m highly allergic to it.

Let’s first entertain the notion that a whistle can stop some 6’2 greasy sex fiend from dominating you and violating you in the park at night or on the floor of your bedroom while your husband is clocking in long hours at the office. At the very least it will hurt his ears, worst case scenario he takes that whistle up off you, throws it, steals you in your jaw for blowing a whistle in his ears, and proceeds to finish the job of raping you.

When I read the following on Michelle Malkin’s website about the helpful rap prevention tips offered by the University of Colorado in Colorado Springs, I laughed because well, the tips were so stupid they had to be satire….right?

According to them they want women to start puking, and peeing on themselves. I guess in which case the rapist will be so grossed out he gets up, helps the victim off the ground, gets her some fresh clean clothes from her own dresser drawer, and apologizes before leaving; but not before he locks the front door behind him.

Well the thing is, I’d venture to guess that a cock eyed crazy rapist won’t might sexually assaulting a woman in her own vomit, or urine for that matter. Call me crazy but, you know rapists are sick twisted animals that way. Oh but to trust the good nature of a misunderstood rapist, how we can only strive for a Utopian’s way of how to rape.

If peeing on them doesn’t work the tips provided by U of CCS suggest women fart, just fart little sister. Yes you heard correct, X your rapist out the box with your butt trumpet. Play the role of John Coltrane and make a jazz hit ya heard.

Finally, and keep in mind I’m not sure these tips are real or satire, but they say if farting fails just offer your rapist one of those street cigarettes you found underneath your 17 year old son’s mattress when you were cleaning his room. “Don’t scream or I’ll kill you” “Wait, before you rape me, want to smoke some weed?” C’mon son. You’re about to get rape by a now lifted and very hungry rapist, Congrats.

In all serious the “useful” tips from the U of CCS and those of Colorado Congressman Joe Salazar highlight the current state of the Democrat Party. Simple put these folks are cutting themselves deeper and deeper from reality. They have no idea what’s going on outside their own baron wasteland they call a mind.

Puke was cool when the great Darren “Puke” Drosdov wrestled in the World Wrestling Federation back in the mid to late 1990s. But puking on your would be rapist isn’t cool, it’s useless and dumb because it could get you raped and killed, instead of just raped.

Puking on you after he’s taken your innocence and purity, yeah he might be down for that, a rapist is down for anything one would assume if they’re so bold as to you know commit rape. But never form your lips to blow chunks if you value your life kid.

I’ve noticed that liberals are the “It has to happen to them before they finally get it” crowd. It was like that when Obama voters started to notice that their paychecks were coming up shorter than Warwick Davis. They were told by a politician running for reelection that their taxes would never in a million years go up. I mean why would a politician whose job it is to lie for votes, who was running for reelection tell lies to his supporters? Why did that exotic dancer tell you your comb over was sexy?

Anything to stop the use of guns, or anything to prevent women from being independent. A little bit of both ma friend. When I wife up, I’m not going to tell my spouse “Honey, remember, if ever I’m at work into the late hours and you’re home alone, if a burglar or a rapist breaks in and tries to attack you, just puke on his ski mask okay? Just, make it a Linda Blair affair sweetie.” 

No no, I’m telling her in plain English “Get the gat” .

Me: “Alright I’m about to bounce” “You good?”

Wife: “It’s all good son”

Me: True indeed god, true indeed”

Me: “Just in case somebody run up in the cut, get the gat homey”

Wife: “You know what it is”



El Fantasma, Estudiante de Manos de Piedra

(The Ghost: Student of Hands of Stone)


12.5.2009: Called home at last, Godspeed