WH: Protecting American Workers From Unfair Foreign Competition

NOTE: Keep in mind – THIS IS SATIRE 🙂

(read my introduction post for background)


White House: Protecting American Workers From Unfair Foreign Competition

Washington, DC

The Administration reiterated its commitment to getting Americans back to work by forcing compelling blackmailing requesting that US corporations “…invest in job creation here at home rather than off-shoring to places like China, India, Mexico, Vietnam.. or South Carolina.”  White House Press Secretary Jay Carney highlighted the Obama Administration’s recent policy of targeting enforcing labor laws unlike the previous Administration to improve the lives of Unionized Americans everywhere by noting the National Labor Relations Board’s recent actions against Boeing.

“In the NLRB’s Boeing suit we’ve once again demonstrated our commitment to protecting Americans from non-unionized unfair domestic foreign competition and creating good jobs for all Americans that join politically connected labor unions.  Boeing’s recent decision to offshore its operations to a place like South Carolina in these challenging economic times is absolutely unacceptable.  Fact is, they’ve invested nearly two billion dollars getting South Carolinians back to work when they should have been investing in more union American jobs.” ~ Jay Carney, White House Press Secretary

When asked to comment on the fact that Boeing has simultaneously increased production and added more jobs at its main facilities in Washington, Carney responded “While that may be technically true… I… I think you will see that those jobs could have been created in Washington without the need for off-shoring.  That would have been a thousand or more additional jobs for dues paying union members American workers.

Governor Nikki Haley (R-SC) responded by saying “We here in South Carolina are more than a little offended that some in the Obama Administration seem to think that somehow we’re not a state.  I mean, I know the President used to think there were 57 states you don’t have to be a brain surgeon or constitutional legal expert to know that yes, in fact South Carolina is one of the 50 states.  Once again this just goes to show how out of touch this Administration is… with reality.”

Former Massachusetts Governor Mitt V4.0 Romney, vainly currently seeking the GOP Presidential nomination offered a rigorous defense of Boeing Aerospace’s decision to invest in production facilities in the Palmetto State:  “Boeing deserves to be protected like you. me or anyone else.  They have a right to choose, to be free, to be able to go wherever they want, whenever they want.  After all, corporations are people too.”

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