United States of Michelin?

NOTE: Keep in mind – THIS IS SATIRE 🙂

(read my introduction post for background)


United States of Michelin?

Washington, DC

In a sign of the seriousness of the current US economic crisis, sources inside the Obama Administration reveal that the US Government may soon begin selling federal, state, and local naming rights in an effort to pay down the enormous sizable National Debt.  While this may on its face seem to be an impossibly far-fetched plan, our reliable and highly placed source insists that the corporate sponsorship proposals are serious and in the advanced planning stage.

“We looked at the numbers and there’s just no getting around it.  We’re not going to be able to pay off all the debt… I mean, really… it’s $14.5 trillion.  Do you know how much money that is?  Well, it will take serious tax hikes or sensible massive spending cuts or both to restore fiscal sanity deal with it.  Anyway, it’s like a rock and a hard place, you know?   It’s given that Republicans and their hostage takers won’t go for tax hikes making billionaires pay their fair share and Democrats won’t agree to reform out of control entitlement spending gutting the social safety net. So, we had to kind of think outside the box.

And there we were with a WTF do we now moment?  Well… one day we were all taking a break — watching a pre-season game… and the half time ads starts rolling and JB’s  like, “F*%^K#NG A!  That’s what we’ll do… sell ads!  Anyway, that got us thinking… that wasn’t such a bad idea after all.  I mean, do you know how much they pull in for 30 second Super Bowl ads?  It’s like cha-ching baby!” ~ Anonymous Administration Official

The source indicates that there are currently on-going negotiations with prominent New York ad agencies to help facilitate the proposed sponsorship plan which is now being dubbed the Debt Free America Campaign (DEFACE).

When asked for a comment on the facts surrounding this story, White House Press Secretary Jay Carney stated unequivocally “There is absolutely no truth to these merit-less rumors.  We have not yet approved signed off on any federal corporate sponsorships.  And to say anything further on this issue would neither be productive or helpful to the President’s re-election campaign. “  Former Governor Mitt V4.0 Romney, currently seeking the GOP Presidential nomination stated “While this plan may appear similar to the one I enacted while Governor of Massachusetts…it mandates an unconstitutional federal approach to naming rights whereas mine mandated an unconstitutional state approach.”



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