Diary

China Called and it Wants Its Money Back

NOTE: Keep in mind – THIS IS SATIRE 🙂 

(read my introduction post for background)

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China Called and It Wants Its Money Back

Beijing, People’s Republic of China

Vice President Joe Biden, in China as part of a three nation East Asian debt forgiveness tour sought to allay Chinese fears over the US’s spendthrift ways.  The Chinese Government has recently explicitly stated expressed doubts about American ability intentions to live within its means get its financial house in order.  The Vice President effusively praised the Chinese leadership for using our own money in its financing of political irresponsibility America’s investment programs and empathized with its inability to do anything else but hope to be repaid one day patience and understanding.  Addressing the People’s Daily, the Chinese Government’s propaganda tool official news source, Biden said:

We are determined to put U.S.-China relations on a steady and sustainable track for the coming decades.  We also recognize their fears of never being repaid However, There are many wonderful foreclosure opportunities available in our country and we encourage Chinese companies to buy American.”

Joseph Selouta, a National Security Adviser to the Vice President added “Simply put, China is investing in its future by buying American.  And since we have absolutely no hope of paying back all that money are committed to do everything we can to keeping them happy strengthening our relationship.  Mr. Selouta seemed unfazed by potential risks created under such economic conditions.  “We have absolutely nothing to worry about.  This is a new China… completely unlike the repressive one of the past.  This is a China that respects the rights of its slave workers, believes in freedom except for its own people; a China that wishes to live at peace with its coercible neighbors.”

During discussions with Chinese Vice President Xi, Biden declared “One of the primary purposes of the trip is to get to know China’s future leadership, to build a relationship with Who’s your daddy Xi Vice President Xi, and to discuss with him and other Chinese creditors leaders the full breadth of issues in the China – US ownership special relationship.”  The Vice President dismissed concerns over China’s aggressive military expansion by stating “China’s leaders know our now limited commitment to Taiwan and our partners in the region.  We absolutely trust their leadership when they say they have no intentions to be anything other than believers in peaceful coexistence.”

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