Man-made global cooling

On my facebook page I posted a thing about how much snow fell on my home state last night and why the law of probability would state that more than likely there are at least two snowflakes that ARE alike.


Unbeknownst to me, someone has already tried to proove that. Three groups of someones, actually. Three different federally funded university research projects have been conducted on average snowfall. One was how much snow is in a cubic feet. Second, we have how much snow falls in a second. Third, average mass and dimensions of snowflakes. After that last one was where some professor makes the comment that snowflakes probably come in twins and triplets, which was the actual point of the research. Total cost of these three projects? $20,000,000 tax dollars. Here’s an average for you: That’s the total average federal tax burden experienced by 2500 American families. For snow.


The reason? Global warming.


Apparently, the new theory is that microscopic ice crystals in the atmosphere act as a catalyst to o-zone depletion. And now, I’ll tell you why that makes PERFECT FREAKING SENSE to anyone who believes in the idea of natural climate cycles. I’ll even save you the cost of those tax dollars. No need to thank me.


The atmosphere is designed to keep in heat from the sun. A big part of that is water vapor, which is really “thick” when compared to other natural gasses in the atmosphere. When that water vapor gets closer to the cold dead vaccum of space, it flash freezes into those tiny little crystals. More water vapor, more heat, which means that more of the ice caps melt, which means that there’s more water to turn into water vapor to be released into the atmosphere, which means more ice in the top layers. Here’s the part I can’t explain. The ice crystals suck up the o-zone molocules, which lets in more of the sun’s ultraviolet radiation, and subsequently more heat. This heat creates storms, which means clouds and water coming out of the atmosphere as precipitation. Eventually, this cloud cover gradually reduces the global temperature and the lower ammounts of ice in the atmosphere means less o-zone is being depleted and, I can only assume, the planet is free to make more than is being depleted, thus restoring the o-zone layer. More water freezes at the ice caps due to the lowered global temperatures, meaning less water in the atmosphere after all. Less water in the atmosphere means less cloud coverage and more o-zone. Thus the atmosphere reverts back to collecting heat, and the cycle begins anew.


I think I may have gotten off track a little bit there, but it made sense in my head as I was writing it and thats all that matters. Now, I know what you’re thinking: What about those pesky man-made compounds that destroy the o-zone layer like CFC’s? Well, since this theory assumes that o-zone destruction occurs naturally thanks to ice crystals, then we can only conclude that man-made destruction of the o-zone layer will only speed up the cycle, not eliminate it. Meaning that those chemicals will make us hotter and colder in relatively shorter ammounts of time. Thus, as we had a sped up cycle of natural global warming, we can expect a sped up cycle of natural global cooling. Ergo, man-made global cooling.


Now, I’m no climatologist and I don’t play one on tv, but this makes a lot of sense to me. I wonder if I could come up with some kind of experiment to proove or disprove my hypothosis.


Maybe I should apply for a grant.


Author’s note: I know o-zone technically doesn’t have a hyphen in it, but I like the way it looks better. Sue me.