Start "The Revolution" Without Me - A message to the "Occupy Wall Street" folks (and the guilty yuppies who kinda, sorta want to support them)

As many of you probably know, I spend my days cruising the Internet, talking to friends and keeping up with what’s going on in the world. And sometimes I run across something that just BEGS to be ridiculed (and I’m just the snarky gal to do it, too).

For those of you who may not be aware of it yet (you know, those of you with REAL jobs and lives) there is currently a protest happening called “Occupy Wall Street“. It’s been going on for over a week now (yes, really!) – a lovely little temper tantrum being thrown by a bunch of well-fed white kids who fancy themselves as some sort of modern-day, new age revolutionaries. They study the Communist Manifesto and hate capitalism in all of its forms because it’s … well – evil, ya know?

Why, this crowd is ALMOST as diverse as one of them Tea Parties!

Yep, they all get up at the crack of noon, dress up in the latest hipster doofus/revolutionary gear, then they head on over to the designated park where they proceed to bang drums and sing songs and bad-mouth the police who have been called to keep them all in line and out of the NYC business district where all of the grown-ups work.

Their website is a real hoot, too – yesterday was Day 9 of their “occupation” (they represent 99% of the population, dontcha know) – a grand total of 92 comments had been made on the post when I popped over there (I’m guessing they delete all of the comments from folks like me) – it’s a real People’s Movement……

They hate capitalism and all of that filthy rotten money, but they ARE accepting donations of food (non-perishables only, please), and they are offering free pizza to anyone who will come out and join them in their protest.

Oh, and they are currently only able to accept money orders, as they can’t process checks right now (Paul pointed out that they would have to cross the picket lines to cash the checks at the banks, and that might look ….. well ….. bad).

So anyway – yesterday, a friend on one of the blogs that I like to read shared the following:

Comment by ********* on September 26, 2011 5:53 pm

hahaha, so i have this old friend from highschool on facechimp and she posted how proud she was for the wall street protestors and some chick posted this comment:

“so does that mean you’ll get something going with me local??? i have the courage and drive now to go…. somewhere…. all by myself and hold a poster saying…. something… about change. but the dilemma i’m so clueless about really wha…t’s going on that i have no idea what it’s about! other than the root of it all is greed as part of the catalyst for bringing in a new world. i have the strong urge to add momentum in and outside way – not just internal any lonnger – to the revolution but how?”

Well, I’ve got an idea for this friend of a friend of a friend (“Next time, don’t inhale”), and all of those people out there who want to “show their support” for this group of folks – as well as these protesters who think that capitalism in all of its forms is just such a bad, bad thing.

You say that you hate all of these big, evil corporations? Well don’t just stand there, show them that you REALLY mean business – stop using their products and services!

Starting with Facebook (estimated net profit for 2011 – $1 Billion).

Then, you’ll have to stop using Google (2nd QUARTER profits, 2011 – $2.5 Billion).

You’re gonna have to give up your iPhone while you’re at it (Apple (2nd Quarter profits 2011) – $6 Billion).

Of course, you won’t be able to use your computer, either (2nd quarter profits (Dell) – $545 million) – but why even bother, if you’re not going to be able to surf the web anyway? C’mon, it’s for a good cause! (Remember, corporations are BAD…..)

Let’s not forget that double venti mocha caramel frapuccino (with whipped cream) that you start your morning with (2nd quarter profits (Starbucks) – $279 million) – I mean after all, if you’re gonna show “the man”, you should be growing your own coffee beans and roasting them yourself!

You’re not going to be able to get take-out any more – let’s face it, those fast food companies are robbing us blind (2nd quarter profits (McDonald’s) – $1.4 Billion).

Then again, you won’t be driving (Honda – $2.4 Billion),

or buying gasoline (ExxonMobil – $10.7 Billion), so it really won’t matter.

For that true “protester” experience, you’ll want to live like they do – so you’d better plan on taking your clothes down to the river to beat them on the rocks once a week. None of this “laundromat” stuff either – you DO realize that washers and dryers are made by corporations, right? (Whirlpool – $169 Million)

While we’re at it, I think we can all agree that things like soap,





and toilet paper

are highly overrated ( (Johnson & Johnson – $3.5 Billion, Proctor & Gamble – $3.3 Billion).

After a long day of sticking it to the man, you will probably want to find a place to lay your weary head (Sealy – $3.5 Million),

but in solidarity with your brothers and sisters on the front lines, you should really strive for that truly authentic “Power to the People” experience:

So, cupcake? Yeah, you – the chick who has “the strong urge to add momentum in and outside way” – you CAN do more than just “go…. somewhere…. all by myself and hold a poster saying…. something… about change“. Show these people that you mean business!

Of course, when you cut yourself off from the rest of the world, nobody is going to know that you are showing your solidarity. You are going to be so busy walking everywhere, growing your own food, finding a place to sleep every night, etc., that you aren’t going to have time to publicize what you are doing. But that’s okay, right? After all, you’re going to be “making a difference”.

Then again, you could just send the folks at “Occupy Wall Street” a money order or a care package – they have their very own UPS Store address listed right there on their webpage.

I guess they don’t realize that UPS is a Fortune 500 company, huh? (#48 on the list – 2010 net profit – $3.5 Billion.)

(Originally posted at Koch’s Tour)