The P-Town Pothead: Andrew Sullivan’s Federal Misdemeanor

Oh Sully Boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling, from glen to glen, and down the mountain side, The summer’s gone, and all the flowers are dying, ‘Tis you, ’tis you must go and I must bide.

Okay, that may be Irish, but its still time to make a transatlantic trip to Mother England, Sully Boy. I’ll pour a Cape Codder on the curb when your plane departs.

Hush, hush conservatives. Did you know Sullivan, Sarah Palin Birther-In-Chief and British national, was arrested for marijuana possession last summer? It’s not that big of deal, since marijuana possession has been decriminalized in Massachusetts. But Sullivan must have been pretty stoned to not realize that he was toking on National Park Service lands, which is a federal misdemeanor. Or maybe he’s just a scofflaw who didn’t care.

Either way, he should have thought about his immigration status before partying it up with the libertines of P-Town. Sullivan almost weaseled his way out of his dilemma. He hired attorney Robert Delahunt Junior, cousin of connected U.S. Rep. William D. Delahunt of Cape Cod and, what do you know, the charges were dismissed.

But there is still that little immigration matter. Both the federal prosecutor and Delahunt have admitted that they sought a dismissal because a conviction would have had an “adverse effect” on a certain “immigration status”. But according to Massachusetts Lawyers Weekly, Sullivan must still state the criminal charge on his visa application.

Now, U.S. Judge Robert B. Collings has caught wind of the preferential treatment and is really blowing it for Sullivan. In his decision on the matter, he scolded the arrangement. Just imagine all those illegal and legal aliens, without money and connections, being sent packing to places far more dangerous and impoverished than Mother England. Do you think the INS wants to sully their reputation to cover for a P-Town Pothead? They still have to deal with Aunt Zetunie.

It doesn’t look good for Sullivan. His best chance may have been to hope all this flies under the radar and that some strings could be pulled. But oops, his cover is blown. If this story spreads, it will pretty much ensure that any further preferential treatment will be quashed.

And just to pour some salt into the wound, consider me a Sarah Palin surrogate. Yes, Sully Boy, remember all those diatribes and screeds demanding biological and physical evidence of Trig’s birthmother. I think its only fair that we examine the background of the Palin Birther-In-Chief just as thoroughly. Sorry Sully Boy, there will be no special treatment for unstable, libertine, stoner Brits.

I hear British Airways is offering some good discounts.