Teaching Children About Socialism The Easy Way...And Adults!

For those of you with children in school – of any age – who might be wondering what all this “socialism” and “redistribution” talk is about, I offer my handy-dandy method from my classroom.

I say:

Imagine that I take all the grades from the last quiz, add them up, and average them out to a grade of C -. Since it is not fair that some of you are smarter than the others, and since it is not fair that some of you can do homework and study, while others have chaotic family lives, or are addicted to video games and Mountain Dew and cannot concentrate on school, or whatever, I will “spread the intelligence around” and give everyone the C-, or I might even be generous and just raise it to a C, or I might be even more generous and give everyone an A, to make things fair.

Inevitably this outrages the A and B kids especially, who then ask: “Well, what’s the use of studying or learning anything?”


For adults, the following “joke” has been bunnying its way around the ether:

“Notice to All Employees

As of November 5, 2008, IF President Obama is officially elected into office, our company will instill a few new policies which are in keeping with his new, inspiring issues of change and fairness:

  1. All salespeople will be pooling their sales commissions into a common pool that will be divided equally between all of you. This will serve to give those of you who are underachieving a ‘fair shake.’

  2. All hourly employees will be pooling their wages, including overtime, into a common pool, dividing it equally amongst yourselves. This will help those who are ‘too busy for overtime’ to reap the rewards from those who have more spare time and can work extra hours.

  3. All top management will now be referred to as ‘the government.’ We will not participate in this ‘pooling’ experience because the law doesn’t apply to us.

  4. The ‘government’ will give eloquent speeches to all employees every week, encouraging its workers to continue to work hard ‘for the good of all.’

  5. The employees will be thrilled with these new policies because it’s ‘good to spread the wealth.’ Those of you who have underachieved will finally get an opportunity; those of you who have worked hard and had success will feel more ‘patriotic.’

  6. The last few people who were hired should clean out their desks. Don’t feel bad though, because President Obama will give you free healthcare, free handouts, free oil for heating your home, free food stamps, and he’ll let you stay in your home for as long as you want even if you can’t pay your mortgage. If you appeal directly to our democratic congress, you might even get a free flat screen TV and a coupon for free haircuts (shouldn’t all Americans be entitled to nice looking hair?) !!!

If for any reason you are not happy with the new policies, you may want to rethink your vote on November 4th.”

Maybe you can print this and hang it up on your bulletin boards at work!

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