Diary

The Stupidity of Veggie-Tossing Dope

Seems there are many ways to celebrity these days.  There are a few consistent themes, however:

  1. You must be ridiculously talented
  2. You must be ridiculously stupid
  3. You must be ridiculously beautiful

Pick two.

For starters, there’s Tiger Woods.  He fits the bill of a 1-2 celebrity — very talented, but unbelievably stupid.  I’m still unsure of how, exactly, one marries a Swedish supermodel; and renegs on his vows with…well, what appears to be pretty much anybody who was physically equipped, willing and immediately available.  Ordinary stupidity would be just cheating on your wife (whoever she is) with another woman (of any degree of beauty).  What Tiger did…that’s not just dumb, that’s Carrot-Top-Meets-Wile-E-Coyote-Meets-Napoleon-Dynamite dumb.

Then there is Levi Johnston.  That’s a 2-3, apparently — my sisters tell me he’s hot.  This redneck sportsthug from BFE Alaska was, once upon a better time, a regular, normal sort of jerkweed; the kind of guy you beat down in a dark alley for talking to your sister or female friends.  Flash forward to today, he’s a gay icon.  That’s on the level of Adam Lambert, for those of you keeping track (a 1-2 or 1-3, depending on your perspective).

Now all of this is to say, apparently you can double down on a single item from that list.  Think about it; Pete Sampras.  Sure, dude was a goodlooking guy (again, my sister’s estimation…), but he was clearly a 1-1 celebrity — he owned tennis.  Kurt Warner, sticking with the sports theme, is an eerily accurate passing quarterback, allathefrickintime — also obviously a 1-1 celebrity.

This dillweed in Minnesota…is a 2-2.  Oh lawd, what a moron.

He didn’t just toss a tomato at a woman he disliked.  He tossed a tomato (aerial attack from a different floor, the only smart thing he did here) at a woman whose main constituency owns the vast majority of concealed-carry permits issued nationwide.  Who ran for Vice President.  Of the United States.

And he missed.  Instead, this dope hit the only cop in proximity.

IN.

THE.

FACE.

With a tomato.

HE WAS A POLICE COMMANDER.

(!?!?!??!!!!)

I sweartadog, if I find out this guy is a member of ACORN, I will not be surprised at all.