You Too Can Vote 100 Times!

After watching some of the material put out by Project Veritas, I had an idea about how to commit massive voter fraud using the existing voter system. As a big proponent of voter ID laws, I wanted to make a point of how easy and pervasive simple voter fraud can be in this country. Please don’t forward the link to “community organizers”!

First thing you want to do is get a bunch of dead people together. Statistics show they are far more easily manipulated than the living, and complain a great deal more quietly if you cast votes without their permission. So, I am a real estate broker, and have access to the listing data for all of the homes on the market and recently sold. As I have the capacity to search by map, it is a relatively simple task to go ahead and pull up the records of all of the trust and probate sales in any given voting district. This will give me the opportunity to determine how many easily accessible targets there are for whom I can cast a ballot.

After identifying the prospective addresses, I determine whether the owners actually lived in the homes at the time of their death. If they occupied the property at the time of their demise, they go on the list. If not, they go off the cliff with Paul Ryan’s grandma. Since I already have their name and address, all I have to do is make sure they were registered to vote at the location. At this point, I make a simple Excel spreadsheet with my names and addresses on them. Sure, I could pay the money to get the voter registration records to cross reference them against my own database, but it is not truly necessary. If I were to approach the poll worker and discover that “my name” wasn’t on the list, all I would have to say is that I was at the wrong polling place, and move on.

Armed with by list, I simply plug each address into the handy city/county clerk website to determine where I will be casting each individual vote. Utilizing Google Maps, I go ahead and make a driving map to my voting locations to maximize the number of times that I will be able to vote in a single day. I pack my lunch, hop in the car (No, it’s not a hybrid) and I start my day. I then simply drive from polling place to polling place, give them my name and they hand me a ballot. Without having to provide an ID, I can simply sign “my name”, walk into the voting booth, cast my vote, get my little sticker and trot back to the car to cast more votes for whatever lucky cause or candidate I choose.

The worst part about this kind of scheme is that it allows me to operate as a complete lone wolf. Without being affiliated with any kind of organization and making sure to cast only one ballot at each polling place, I would be virtually undetectable casting dozens of ballots. Unfortunately, this is just one single method for conducting voter fraud. It is one guy, thinking up one idea to eliminate the votes of one hundred other Americans. It is easy, fast and free and most importantly could be completely derailed by requiring photo identification as a prerequisite for casting a ballot. Critics of voter ID laws state that it is a method of voter suppression. You’re darned right it is…it means that folks will only be allowed to vote once!