Diary

Close the North Pole -- Santa Claus Has Moved to Washington

Every year millions of children send letters to the North Pole, hoping that Santa and his little helpers might load up the sleigh and deliver them some goodies.  Here’s a controversial statement: parents who allow this are parenting irresponsibly.  Instead of sending a letter to the North Pole, parents really interested in seeing their children have a Merry Christmas should encourage their children to write the Congress and ask for an earmark.

There’s one reason Jesse James robbed banks – that’s where the money is.  If you write to the North Pole, Santa generally sends you a bill for the toys he delivers.  If you write to the Congress, someone else pays for the delivered toys.  In a report released earlier this week Senator Coburn tells you the kind of toys you have been paying for.  I highlight a few of them here:

$15 thousand – voicemail for homeless people

$784 thousand – training for casino workers

$374 thousand – inflatable alligator and underwater-slide

$66 thousand – for a library to provide bicycles to patrons

$326 thousand – search for Alaskan Ice Worms

$2.4 million – 3D space theater

$280 thousand – EPA staff vacation to Australia

$50 thousand – Halloween signs

$13 million – art museum in Iraq

$9.4 million – search for outer space aliens

These are just some of the toys you’re paying for. (You can read the report here.) Speaker Nancy Pelosi has indicated that she plans to have a $600 billion stimulus package ready for President-Elect Obama to sign, assuming the Senate takes action, immediately after his inauguration.  If you want to write the North Pole and pay Santa Claus for his delivery charges, that’s your choice.  I’m sending all of my requests to the Congress.