Historical Perspective on RINO Vs. Conservative Intifadas (VA Senate 1994)

In a sharply contested primary election, The Delaware GOP chose political neophyte Christine O’ Donnell over Mike Castle to run against the Democrats for a Senate seat in election 2010. That’s really all this story has to say. It could have ended right there. After a couple of days of people grumbling into their beer, we could have accepted and at least politely supported Christine O’ Donnell’s efforts on our behalf.

But no; the moderate GOP establishment fundamentally believes they deserve a veto over the will of the people who sent them to DC in the first place. The National Republican Senate Committee has gone on Fox News to announce their lack of material support for Christine O’ Donnell. In their infinite wisdom, they feel perfectly comfortable consigning the people of Delaware to representation by a man known colloquially as “The Bearded Marxist.” I guess with the Cuban system not working in Cuba, Fidelito needed to hop a new gig.

As detestable as this tergiversation is, the GOP “Moderates” are not really being that obnoxious by historical standards. To get the true flavor of the RINO rump, one needs to look back in time to the VA Senatorial Election of 1994. Ah yes, The Thrilla In Vanilla pitted “Cocaine” Chuck Robb Vs. Ollie “Shred Fawn, Shred” North. With Marshall Coleman thrown in to be like Al Snow from the WWF.

The happy season of 1994 featured a GOP uprising against an imperial Democratic President and a Democratic Congress that made The Weimar Republic look disciplined and functional. Conservatives everywhere had united behind Newt Gingrich and his Contract with America. “Republican” Senator John Warner just wanted those damn, dirty apes to get back inside their caves.

The Virginia GOP had a contentious primary between Col. North and Former Reagan Budget Director Jim Miller. Miller was an establishment candidate favored to see off the scandal-plagued Democrat Chuck Robb by double digits. Oliver North had mounted a record-breaking direct mail fundraising effort and had become the darling of the VA GOP grass roots. He upset the Nancy Reagan-anointed Miller in the Primary and thereby earned Senator John Warner’s wrath and undying enmity.

Much to the Democrats potential demise was the fact that their incumbent, Son-In-Law to Lyndon Baines Johnson, also had some “questionable” personal habits. Now most people consider a married man getting caught in a hotel room snorting cocaine off of Miss Virginia USA Tai Collins’ ample buttocks to be execrable; not “questionable.” Also quite “dubious”, was the fact that the guy he had inspecting mines in VA while he was Governor has owned stock in a mining company where workers got killed because of inadequate safety measures.

The Dems were further mortified to learn that Senator Robb and Governor Douglass Wilder not only hated one another, but that Robb had also illegally spied on Governor Wilder by recording his phone calls. Thus, the sitting Democratic Governor of Virginia flirted with the idea of entering the race as an Independent Democrat to better fornicate with his own party’s Incumbent Senator’s career trajectory.

All of this should have added up to Touchdown GOP! Yet Senator Warner remained miffed. And when the Grand Old Duke of York is miffed, the peasantry must be taught a lesson. So, in between Gin and Tonics amongst his peers in the GOP Yacht Aristocracy, Senator Warner summoned Good Old Bean Marshall Coleman out of retirement. Marshall Coleman, experienced in blowing winnable races to Charles Robb, was to make like a good Moderate Republican and keep the US Government safe for encroaching Leftism. He entered the race as an Independent.

The election went down to the wire. I remember attending a rally in Richmond, VA, where Doug Wilder and Charles Robb symbolically made nice. A gaggle of us GOPers followed them around with signs suggesting that Charles Robb was a subject matter expert on what Juan Valdez grew over behind the coffee beans. A 3rd World Briefcase blasted out “Cocaine” by Eric Clapton. It was the sort of day that just makes a guy love America.

In the end, Auld King Jawn and the GOP Yacht Aristocracy won the day by a measly 2-3%. The talking heads on NBCBSABC featured this race heavily and with furrowed brows, while every other race in the country featured braying jack-asses circling commodes. It was the only race they could mention that wasn’t making Poor Old Ted Kennedy need another “Screwdrivah.” Marshall Coleman , like the pimple-mocked understudy to Rosencrantz or Guildenstern, in a High School production of Hamlet, had played his insignificant role to an awkward tee.

This is what RINOs are like at their positively absolute worst. The VA GOP Asstablishment had served as a gutless, numb suck-hole of mediocrity that had successfully prolonged the useless, free-loading career of “Cocaine” Chucky. Hopefully, this historical perspective enables us to accept, through grinding teeth, that this year’s GOP “Moderates” are only a mild locust plague. They are almost like teammates compared to the arrogant and high-handed way in which they behaved in their salad days.