A Rahm Set Out To Pasture

Let’s say you run a Presidential Administration that takes on some water. It takes on water in a manner reminiscent of The USS Arizona at Pearl Harbor. It’s not over after the Germans get done bombing, but things are looking pretty bad there. Somebody has to fall on the gladius and take the blame. Pearl Harbor Day for this administration appears to be scheduled one month early this year, and the lucky guy getting to do the sword plant appears to be none other than Rahm Emanuel.

Yet this operation isn’t just as simple as whacking someone in the private sector. After all, this is Rahm “Effing” Emanuel were talkin’ about here, not some stinkin’ Jabroni. You can’t just leave the gun and take the cannoli. Rahm is a man of respect, he has to be properly taken care of.

Now it just so conveniently happens that Mayor Daley of Chicago has decided to hang up the spikes. That Rahm Emanuel leads a life of serendipity. It just so happens that Rahm Emanuel would love to be the Mayor of Chicago. Daley wants to move on, Rahm has been encouraged to leave DC, what do you think the likelihood of such a bizarre yet fortuitous coincidence occurring on Earth would be?

It somehow seems like this is Rahm’s place to lie down and peacefully die. It’s a perfect little Romania upon which he can unleash his inner Ceausescu. Now if he can just train his secretary the way Boss Man Bill from Arkansas had ‘em trained….

Yet all may not be tranquil in paradise. A few members of the family want to alter the deal. According to Jim Geraghty at NRO, an organization called The Progressive Change Campaign Committee issued the following fatwa against Rahm Emanuel.

“Rahm is unfit to represent Democrats in office. He’s a cancer on the Democratic Party. Democrats’ current 2010 situation is due to a weak Rahm Emanuel mentality that says water down real reform at the urging of Republicans and corporations, thus making Democratic reform less popular with voters than the real deal would have been.”

I almost hope Barack Obama has to actually endorse Rahm Emanuel for this job. It would be about the most stinging rebuke imaginable. It would also garun-frikken-tee that this is lights out for Emanuel’s political career. The City of Chicago would no longer be a temporary sinecure, but would instead be his Office by the River, in The Japanese Corporate sense.

Let Rahm Emanuel actually become a liability to the Democratic Party, let his bowing out at the White House become a national joke, and people will then become reminded of just how charming a person Mr. Emanuel has been throughout his glorious tenure of service to our great nation. I can’t imagine anyone with even a remotely kind thought for Eric Massa willingly stumping in ChiTown for Good Old Rahm. I can’t imagine anyone even remotely cognizant of what a raging fustercluck Fannie Mae turned into not being tempted to ask Rahm how he liked earning several million dollars as a managing director of that august organization.

Karma owes Rahm Emanuel. Payback may well come with full interest. Yet sadly, the world we live in has no such finely-honed sense of justice. Rahm will simply be parked there, in charge of his own urban Bulgaria. Let him stare at his portrait of Dorian Grey as he rots in peace. It’s better that than having that evil basilisk of a human being in charge of anything of national import or significance. Enjoy your retirement you vile son of a Rottweiler.